Ups, downs

Here’s a new word for your personal dictionary: marsquakes. As in earthquakes, but on Mars. That’s what NASA’s new lander, InSight, will be studying after landing on the Red Planet this week. Forget school finance and property taxes — state Rep. Lyle Larson, R-San Antonio, has filed the most important bill of the upcoming session. He wants to force the University of Texas and Texas A&M to play each other in football, resurrecting a century-old rivalry that now exists only on the balance sheets. For the record, Forbes says A&M’s football program has edged out UT as college sports’ most valuable for the top spot in fundraising. And they can’t just play any old time. Larson’s bill requires the burnt orange and maroon face off “on the fourth Thursday, Friday, or Saturday of November each year.” The onceannual tradition has been abandoned since 2011 as the teams split for different conferences. As a result, UT’s traditional Hex Rally lost its purpose and the Aggie War Hymn has lost much of its point. If this bill passes — as it absolutely should — horns will be hooked and Aggies will be gig’em’ed by state mandate. All will seem right in Texas again. Hey, lawmakers, while you’re at it, why not add an amendment to pay the players, too? U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz’s focus has shifted from warning us all about the shadowy figures in the caravan to frightening us all with the shadowy figure across his face. The normally cleancut conservative senator appears to have grown a beard, although the progress being made by the patchy, calico bunch of bristles is about as slow as the gaggle of Central American migrants inching their way toward the U.S. border. Cruz may simply be letting his hair down — er, out — after many months of campaign dress code adherence. Or, he may be settling one last score with the hipster class of bearded and mustachioed supporters of Beto O’Rourke. Conquering their pot-smoking, rocker icon wasn’t enough. Now he’s got to co-opt their favorite fashion trend. Soon, he’ll be spotted in the Whataburger drivethru. ’Tis the season for giving, so consider Forbes’ list of the 400 wealthiest people as the go-to for cold calling on behalf of your charity of choice. This year 11 Houstonians made the list: former Rockets owner Les Alexander, GeoSouthern Energy Corp. founder George Southern, former Enron trader John Arnold, Hilcorp founder Jeffrey Hildebrand, Gulf States Toyota owner Dan Friedkin, Rockets owner Tilman Fertitta, Kinder Morgan founder Rich Kinder, and Dan Duncan’s various heirs. Expect to see headlines about them making multiple six- and seven-figure donations to Houstonarea causes this holiday season. Otherwise they’d just be a bunch of Grinches.