DEAR ABBY: Family registers disapproval by unfriending man’s fiancee.
Dear Abby:
My boyfriend and I recently got engaged. It will be a second marriage for both of us. I have four children; he has none.
He loves my children like they are his own, and they love him. His family was nice to me at the beginning, thinking that it wouldn’t last. I know they aren’t fond of the fact I have four kids, and they think he should find a woman who doesn’t have any.
We have been very happy together, but when we got engaged, his family got very upset because he didn’t ask them how they felt or tell them he was going to do it. I think they would have discouraged it immediately.
He always backs me 100 percent, but I don’t want to tear them apart. I don’t want him to not want to see them. He’s very family oriented. They aren’t outright rude, but they make me feel uncomfortable.
All of a sudden, his brothers/sister and their spouses have stopped talking to me. They have deleted me on social media. We have never gotten into an argument or anything, so I’m at a loss. Should I marry him? — Getting The Cold Shoulder Dear Getting: This is something you and your fiance must decide together with your eyes wide open. You say his family hasn’t been outright rude, but I beg to differ. Making people feel uncomfortable, giving them the silent treatment and unfriending them is rude.
You need to decide if you can coexist with in-laws like this, and your fiance needs to decide which family is more important — the one he will form with you and your children, or the one he was born into.
Dear Abby:
I am a gay male in my late 20s, finishing up my grad school program. My boyfriend is older than I am by seven years.
He just texted me about the future, saying he wants children in a year or two. I am anxious and sad because this feels like a make-or-break decision. However, I don’t know how soon I’ll be ready. What say you, Dear Abby? — Lacks Certainty In Minnesota
Dear Lacks Certainty:
I say you need to return your boyfriend’s text and tell him exactly what you have written to me. Your feelings are honest, and your thinking is clear. Now that you know where he stands, it is important he knows where you do.
That said, I’m surprised this subject was brought up in a text and not during a one-on-one conversation because of its importance.