THE tip of the iceberg? More trademark ideas
Don’t laugh.
Yes, Ohio State reportedly is attempting to trademark the word “the” (as in Ohio State University), as evidenced by an application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
And yes, the idea of placing a claim on one of the most used articles in the English language might sound absurd on its face. But what if the Buckeyes are on to something?
What if every college football school trademarked an appropriate conjunction, preposition, adverb, pronoun or interjection of three letters or shorter? Just imagine the possibilities: Alabama: “a”
Integral, ubiquitous, singular. A superpower. A dynasty. A 21stcentury run unlikely to be topped. A crack in the armor? Clemson: “in”
In with the new. In a serious groove. In time to unseat the king. In theory, the winner of two or three national titles in a row. Oklahoma: “and”
Last year’s Heisman winner and the year before that’s Heisman winner and maybe this year’s Heisman winner and the sport’s next coaching megastar and a dozen Big 12 championships and still no national titles in 19 years.
Texas: “we”
We are Texas. We are back (allegedly). We have our own network. We deserve things because ofwhowe are. We tend to be insufferable. We are our own biggest believer. We are our own worst enemy.
Texas A&M: “if”
If you go by the Billingsley Report in 1919, and if you count the Sagarin Ratings in 1927, and if you accept the obvious truth that all of the alumni support and all of the investment in infrastructure is bound to pay off someday, and if Jimbo Fisher lives up to the hype and his contract, and if the Aggies’ abundance of talent manifests in victories the way we all know it will, well, there’s not a better college football programin the country.
Texas Tech: “out”
Out in West Texas. Out of the box, always. Out of the limelight, for now. Out of the running? Maybe, but never too far out of the running.
TCU: “or”
A legitimate national contender or a hopeless Big 12 also-ran. A fearsome defensive juggernaut or an athletically outmatched hodgepodge of a roster without a functioning quarterback. With Gary Patterson’s Horned Frogs, it’s always either-or, and it’s never in between. The good news? It’s an odd year again.
Baylor: “how”
How will a place where things went so wrong, in so many ways, ever re-earn people’s trust and belief again? How can the people in charge of a school and a culture be sure they’ve fixed it? How can a lost program find its way, andmaybe become a winner again? Matt Rhule thinks he knows how. We’ll see. Oklahoma State: “why”
Why does nobody seem to notice how consistently good this programhas been over the past decade? Why do people keep underestimating what Mike Gundy can do with a roster full of guys who never hit the top of the recruiting prospect rankings? And why does his hair still look like that?
Houston: “yet”
The Big 12 hasn’t called yet. The jump from “nice story” to perennial Top 25 power hasn’t happened yet. Dana Holgorsen hasn’t captured the imagination of a city and a recruiting base yet. The potential of this cosmopolitan giant hasn’t been tapped yet. And yet…
UTSA: “who”
Who are the Roadrunners, anyway? An up-and-comer, or a never-will-be? Who is Frank Wilson? The next rising star in college football, as we all thought a couple of years ago, or a guy doomed by a job where it’s just too tough to win? Above all, who does UTSA want to be? Almost a decade into the program’s history, that remains unclear.
USC: “but”
The Trojans remain one of the sport’s glamour programs, but the results haven’t been there lately. They won a national title in 2004, but that was later vacated. They had a chance to win another the next year, but Reggie Bush was on the sideline. Among the Trojans’ seven Heisman Trophies was the award in 2005, but Bush had to forfeit it, and the one in 1968, but, well, nevermind. Notre Dame: “you”
You know exactly who they are. You have known them since you were little. You hate the sense of superiority. You are pretty sure their time has passed them by, and you would like to be happy about that. But you also have to admit it’s more fun when they’re good enough to root against. Oregon: “too”
Too shiny. Too green. Too yellow, sometimes. Too fast, other times. Too little return on investment, so far.
Central Florida: “oh”
Self-declaring a national championship? Oh. Refusing to budge on scheduling philosophy? Oh. Expecting everybody to bemore impressed the next time around? Oh.
Ohio State: “the”
Fine, it fits. Arrogant maybe, but the Buckeyes won’t argue with that. They’re the programin the Big Ten. The epitome of valuing winning above all else. And when it comes to a new approach to marketing?
The trendsetter, maybe.