FEELING MATTERS
Learn how to handle political disagreements.
It’s good to be committed to ideals. Conviction and devotion to important causes such as peace, freedom, justice, etc., are what move us forward. But how we approach our principals makes all the difference in the world — so I’m discovering.
My husband and I don’t see eye to eye in this department. I’m a writer/yoga teacher. He’s a lawyer/ engineer. Sometimes our differences yield rousing debates and rich discussions. Sometimes … not.
We’ve spent a nontrivial amount of time talking about what healthy discourse entails — how to “disagreewithout being disagreeable,” as he puts it.
Here’s our working solution, which I think makes intellectual sense, even if I still haven’t perfected the art: When hot topics come up, temporarily — but completely — stop being sure that one’s viewpoint is correct. This, we’ve concluded, is the only way to actually hear another perspective.
Then, the goal is to respond mindfully, without criticizing or needing to convince, and have the sense to change subjects when it’s time.
I’m not good at this. It comes much more naturally to him, as a hyper-logical person (with exceptional patience). I have to actively remind myself of this: It doesn’t matter whether we agree. What matters is how we treat each other. That’s what has impact.
Which makes me reflect on the bigger picture.
Zooming out, perhaps the fear, anger, polarization and disagreeableness we see in the larger political system is a macrocosm of what’s happening between each of us. The tone in Washington reflects the way we all do politics.
It’s at least worth considering. If true, interpersonal healthy discourse could make our system more functional. But I’m also happy with less tension at the dinner table.