New in-law’s rape conviction tests family relationships.
Dear Abby:
My stepdaughter recently married a convicted rapist. She refuses to believe he raped an elderly woman even though there was corroborating DNA evidence. While he admitted his guilt in front of a judge and spent some time in jail, the conviction was later overturned, after which he denied his culpability.
I am a rape survivor. I am absolutely adamant that this man is not welcome in my home.
I do not want to negatively affect my husband’s relationship with his daughter, but her decision to become a family with this individual has been difficult for me. She’s planning to visit, and I have no idea what to even say to her. How do we handle social interactions? Please help.
Dear Staying Firm:
Dear Abby:
— Staying Firm in New Mexico
Because you do not want the husband under your roof, your husband should entertain them separately away from your home. If you HAVE to see them, be warm and cordial to your stepdaughter and nonconfrontational to her husband.
I have a friend, an acquaintance really, who once confessed to me that he is bisexual. The problem is, his wife doesn’t know he’s bi or that he secretly meets men for sex. I have repeatedly advised him that he shouldn’t be doing that and he needs to tell his wife. But all that got me is he ceased talking to me. What, if anything, should I do or say? Should I tell his wife?
Dear All:
— All For Truth in Wisconsin
If your spouse or significant other was having sex with multiple partners, wouldn’t you want to know? If you tell her, she can have her doctor test her for exposure to any number of STDs — all of which are on the rise. Please don’t wait.
Dear Abby:
My husband and I have been married for 35 years. For the last seven years, we have been separated. He treated me badly, and finally, I refused to take it, so I left him. We have tried marriage counseling, but I felt like we were just going through the motions. My question is, when is it time to get a divorce? I’m confused about just being separated because it makes me feel I’m in limbo.
— In-Between In Colorado
Dear In-Between:
You ARE in limbo. You tried marriage counseling; it didn’t help you trust that your husband wouldn’t continue to abuse you. Call a lawyer. After seven years (!) of separation, the time to formally untie the knot is now.