Why I defended my friend’s Trump hat
I developed a thick skin as a teen from years of harassment. I survived by learning to laugh at myself first and fire back harder. I came out of that experience determined to never be anyone’s victim.
One day in college, I ran into a girl I knew from high school. I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t recall her, but she definitely remembered me. Her voice trembled as she recounted how I humiliated her in front of a huge crowd. She told me how my words impacted her and stayed with her long after the incident. I realized then that I wasn’t a martyr. I was the monster I’d hated.
Since that day I vowed to never use my voice again to inflict pain, and instead use it to decry those behaviors.
This week a dear friend, and prominent Houstonian, posted a photo wearing a red Keep America Great hat with a caption encouraging people to vote. As you’d expect, she received lots of comments. One might say she’d invited them by posting about politics on a social media platform. Fair point. But what I don’t think she should have anticipated was the vitriol spit at her.
The comments went far beyond political advocacy into cruel personal attacks. She was called a racist and a homophobe. She was attacked on her appearance and insulted with language far too vulgar for print. Screen captures were made of her, doctored and shared in posts she couldn’t see.
I’ve worked with this woman for years on a myriad of philanthropic efforts throughout the city. She is one of the most inclusive people I know. Because of her Houston placed a plaque with my husband’s and my name on one of those projects. This was at a time when it would be unheard of for a city to acknowledge gay men on city property, let alone use their married names.
I should point out here that I’m not a Donald Trump supporter. In fact, I find a great many of his actions indefensible. The only parties I affiliate with are cocktail parties. I prefer to keep my politics in the ballot booth or in campaign contributions, not on social media.
Still, watching her be attacked this way I felt compelled to speak out. I don’t agree with her candidate of choice, but then again, I don’t agree with the many of things my friends say or do. I’m proud of that fact.
I’d be an ignorant man if I only surrounded myself with like-minded people. Being able to challenge each other and appreciate differences has helped me far more than anyone who has ever agreed with me.
One of the basic freedoms of this great country is the right to disagree with your fellow man and your country. You can do this without repugnant personal commentary.
I was immediately flooded with comments from hundreds of people. Arguments began breaking out like a “Real Housewives” reunion episode. I found myself in the surreal position of defending myself against people whose politics were more closely aligned with mine than they knew.
The irony was not lost on me that I was responding to hate on an anti-bullying post. Like me growing up, they saw themselves as martyrs, the champions. Instead they were engaging in the same actions they were rebuking.
So much of the political discourse online is designed to divide our nation into an “us vs. them” outlook. Those sort of bright lines might achieve a political goal, but they do so at the cost of our humanity. Ignorance and anger are powerful political tools, but we should refuse to be either. Every voice matters. No one’s belief is more important than anyone else’s.
The Keeping America Great hat she wore advertised her support of a candidate. A lot of people have tried to tell her, and me, the red hat is a symbol of hate. That simply isn’t true. I get why they want to say that. It shames Republicans into not wearing them, but that hat is no different than an elephant pin. It’s not a KKK hood. While you may find a MAGA hat hanging next to a lot of KKK hoods, that doesn’t mean every Republican has a hood. By that logic every outspoken Southerner is a Klansman, or every German is a Nazi. I’m an outspoken Southerner and a proud German. I’m neither.
Political bullying is as bipartisan and infectious as the coronavirus. We should be able to engage in thoughtful political debate without being hateful and launching into personal attacks. Do your own research, make campaign contributions or volunteer for the candidate of your choice, and above all, vote. Help stop the spread of anger and hate by speaking out when you see it happening.