Flannel-lined masks! Marchtember hair! Where’s our cold front?
About once a month, KUHF’s “Houston Matters” invites me to its “Houston Pet Peeves” call-in segment. The idea is to have some good grumbly fun, to joke about the irritations that drive Houstonians up a collective wall. And now, deep into 2020, it’s a giddy relief to complain about anything smaller than an apocalypse.
So: “What are your gripes?” I asked on Facebook and Twitter before this week’s segment. Here, lightly edited and de-emojied, are some of the funniest responses.
Gary Packwood: Luby’s is closing! H-town people should check it out while it’s still open so they can remember watching someone order a double serving of chicken-fried steak with white gravy and a side of red Jell-O. In 10 years, nobody will believe that was possible.
@kneelunge: My Marchtember hair.
Karen Warren: I gave myself a haircut yesterday. It looks like I cut my hair with a blender.
Kim Hogstrom: Mine looks like I used a knife and fork.
Robert Searcy: Wanting to get my hair cut, but being scared to go after my stylist posted pics on social media of being at restaurants. Susan Buchanan: I hate it when I forget and put makeup on the bottom half of my face.
Melissa Noriega: You can’t really smile at folks with a mask on. It reduces the goodwill out there.
Alecia Lawyer: I have had to get much more creative with the use of my eyebrows. My dad tried early on to teach me to raise one brow, but to no avail. It is my top priority now.
Dennis Cass: People who act as if being required to wear a mask is unspeakably cruel, possibly a violation of the Geneva
Conventions. What kind of fabric are the complainers using? Naugahyde? Ultrasuede? Pleather?
Amy Dinn: Someone sent me a fun mask lined with flannel. It’s soft but definitely a wait-untilJanuary-to-wear product. I put it on and went outside in Houston last week. It was not pretty.
Becky Ardell Downs: People who wear obviously dirty masks.
Brad Barber: People who don’t wear masks, plus people who wear them like a chin thong.
Saadia Faruqi: People acting like there’s no pandemic.
Leah Lax: I just drove to Tennessee and back. That mask below the nose thing is the biggest new Southern fashion trend.
Annie Buford-Stephenson: My husband looks younger every day while I look like my greatgrandmother. I’m his “Picture of Dorian Gray.”
Andrea Terrill: All the NASCAR wannabes on the freeways. Lighter traffic is a mixed blessing.
Jackie Burdisso: All the new self-made driving rules.
Jason Fuller: The drivers who realize their exit off the freeway is next and traverse six lanes to make it.
Jennifer Decker: I think I have forgotten how to drive.
Gail Siegel: My battery died weeks ago — my bad for not starting the car — and I haven’t bothered to replace it. I forecast a post-pandemic surge of neglectful procrastinators like me at various dealerships and repair places.
Randall Morton: Griping about my procrastinations when I have more time than ever. Lockdown mind!
Treena Rowan: How many times will the gal next door mow her lawn this week?
Deborah Quinn Hensel: I’m sick of seeing discarded masks all over parking lots, sidewalks, etc.
Tom Massimin: I keep leaving my face masks on the ground in different places so I will have one wherever I am. But somebody keeps stealing them!
Nicole Laforet: When I’m teaching a class, I’m not a fan of looking at dozens of black boxes with initials.
Miah Mary Arnold: The number of platforms a fifthgrader has to access to go to school!
Nick Hall: With Zoom dominating school and Microsoft Teams replacing the workplace, it’s like all we have are meetings. Someone needs to schedule a meeting to discuss this.
Barbara Grove: The 19 pounds.
Cynthia Card: People who negatively comment about online recipes: “Well, this dish was OK, but I did this and added that.” If you made all those changes, then you didn’t follow the recipe!
Dennis Cass: Recipes that are preceded by long, complicated stories about How I Got This Recipe from This Real Interesting Character We Met During Our Trip to Cajun Country Several Years Ago.
Bruce Bodson: Since everyone has started ordering groceries for delivery, those of us who still go to the stores ourselves have to navigate through hordes of huge, multidecked rolling shelves being pushed by employees.
Elizabeth Conley: The mass emails I get from companies that I bought from once five years ago. Do they truly care about finding me and my family in good health?
Patrick Kopplin: When Bill White was mayor, you could drive through downtown and not have to stop at a stoplight. Why can’t Sylvester Turner figure this out?
Marty Merrit: To get through downtown’s synchronized lights without stopping, you must drive 24 mph. I’ve sometimes pondered whether other multiples of 24 would work. 48? 72? 96?
Amy McGee: My dog misses day care. She wakes me up four times a night. And the isolation has gotten to me: Now I care what my dog wants at 3 a.m.
Christine V. Holland: I revoked my dog’s concierge privileges this morning when, at 5 a.m., he only wanted breakfast.
Bathroom, yes — but breakfast, no, you spoiled beast!
@KarenRBarb: What seems like the longest hurricane season ever!
Charles Ward: Mother Nature! Where’s our cool weather?
@ShearCreativity: The cold front that never was. We wanna wear long pants, dang it!
Liz Belile: I now have just as many invites to online events as I once had to real-life events.
MT Filley: People on socialmedia forums who use caps lock in their responses.
Anne Hayden: Pity parties on social media and those who enable them with their laments.
Anne Hayden, a minute later: Wait: I seem to be griping about gripes.
If you missed this month’s “Houston Pet Peeves” on KUHF-FM 88.7 FM, you can stream it on KUHF’s website or find it on the “Houston Matters” podcast. To get in on next month’s griping, follow me on Facebook or Twitter.