Thumbs up, down
Reality is what you make of it, whether you’re a U.S. senator, a gentlemen’s club or Thanos.
Texans who subscribe to the Amber Alert system got a fright last week after the suspect in a child abduction was listed as a male with red or auburn hair and blue eyes, standing 3 feet, 1 inch tall and wearing blue overalls. His race? Doll. Fortunately for Raggedy Andy, the accompanying picture was of Chucky, the possessed toy from the “Child’s Play” horror movies, carrying a butcher knife. Since we already have a plague going, you can forgive some folks for thinking this was another sign of the end times, but it was just a mix up at the Texas Department of Public Safety, which has since apologized for accidentally sending out the test email. We hope that’s true and that we won’t be getting a Silver Alert for a bony gentleman riding a pale horse anytime soon.
On the subject of children’s toys and pure evil, there’s still no news on the more than 100 teddy bears intended for severely ill or injured children that were stolen from a storage facility last month. The Katybased Joe Joe Bear Foundation provides the sterilized plush animals to kids with compromised immune systems or who need a fuzzy hand to hold before they undergo surgery. Jeanette Maurer, the nonprofit’s director, told the Chronicle she had not reported the theft to police because she felt pity for whomever had taken the bears. “Maybe they needed them more than we did. So we’re praying for them.” That kind of selflessness is inspiring, but we’re hoping that if Chucky really is loose in the world, police will soon find the culprit unconscious and tied to a chair, plushy palm prints the only clue to what happened.
While we wait for a fantastical comeuppance for the bear-nappers, we return to reality for some barefaced deception about baring it all. A Houston strip club (incidentally, one of the Thumbs’ favorite ways to begin a sentence) is being sued for using images of professional models without their permission. According to the lawsuit, Chicas Cabaret used photos of the women in swimsuits and Halloween costumes in flyers advertising the club. Trouble was, none of those women were ever actually at that or any club, as patrons found presumably to their disappointment. “This happens all over the country and our clients are very serious about getting it shut down,” the women’s lawyer said. We’ll wait for a judge to pass sentence, but this seems like a clear example of naked exploitation. Case clothed.
Still, we understand how tough it is to get noticed out there, and while some use alleged deception others vie for official designation. That’s the case with San Marcos, which has turned to the Legislature to be declared the mermaid capital of Texas. We haven’t heard about much competition for the honor, and the town’s decades-long fascination with the mythical creatures is evident in everything from its public art to its annual mermaid parade. Officials eye a boost to tourism and awareness of efforts to preserve the San Marcos River. Last session, the Texas Senate approved the measure, but hopes sank after the House failed to consider it. That caused quite a commocean among lawmakers. So far, this year’s efforts are going swimmingly. A vote is expected in March.
Care for the environment. Fictional creatures. Add cynical politicization and you’ve got something to podcast about. Enter U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, who this week compared Democrats to “rabid environmentalists” and tied them to the villains in “Watchmen” and the latest “Avengers” movies, both of whom commit mass murder. Interviewed on his show “Verdict with Ted Cruz,” Texas’ junior senator distorted the Democrats’ positions, but more importantly, he completely misrepresented the motivations of Watchmen’s billionaire genius Adrian Veidt and Marvel’s mad titan Thanos. We won’t ask you to follow us down nerd alley for an explanation, we’ll just say that if Cruz is looking for figures willing to sacrifice human lives in some misguided quest to protect the larger good, he need only look at his own party’s pandemic response on the economy. Just as bad — and not a purple-skinned alien in the bunch.