Single moms ‘trying to be superwoman’ in pandemic
ShyMesha Hawkins hid in the bathroom at work to avoid questions about the pain.
After an emergency C-section delivery in late August, the 24year-old single mother allowed herself only two weeks off before returning to her job at a Houston pizza restaurant. Pain that felt like shock waves in her stomach forced her to sit down, out of sight from co-workers.
Hawkins knew she was skirting the recommended recovery period of six to eight weeks after such a surgery. But rent was coming due.
She couldn’t wait.
“I was trying to be superwoman in situations when I needed to be,” said Hawkins, who has a 2year-old son in addition to her newborn.
Hawkins’ predicament underscores the heightened desperation felt by many single mothers in Houston and elsewhere during the pandemic, according to nonprofit directors and researchers.
An estimated 15 million mothers without partners in the United States will be most severely affected by the economic downturn, which has battered industries that employ higher concentrations of women, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Stay-athome restrictions have left
these mothers balancing on an already fragile tightrope, crippling child care and school routines that previously supported their busy schedule.
“The population is quite vulnerable, not just in terms of economics but also in terms of the isolation that their experience speaks to,” said Jennifer Maggio, CEO of The Life of a Single Mom, a nonprofit that helps churches build support groups throughout the United States. “So (the pandemic) can heighten any emotions they already have about finances, parenting decisions or schooling decisions.”
Social structure
Hawkins landed the pizza restaurant job in March, just as the pandemic emerged in the Houston area.
She took the bus, sometimes two, to get to work from her southwest Houston apartment. At $10 an hour, Hawkins said she was earning enough to cover rent and utilities. The job did not offer maternity leave, so she worked through the summer eyeing an October due date.
Her water broke two months early, in August, while walking up the stairs to her apartment. After the delivery, she spent much of her brief recovery period with her newborn in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Texas Children’s Hospital.
By the time she could return to work, available hours were scant, she said. She had difficulty picking up shifts among other employees competing to be on the schedule.
Soon, she could pay only part of her rent, and late fees began to stack up. A nonprofit based in New Jersey, The Black Fairy Godmother, stepped in to bear some of the cost.
“She’s a young mother who’s working, who’s trying to strive,” nonprofit founder Simone Gordon said.
The share of U.S. children living with an unmarried parent has more than doubled since 1968, growing from 13 percent to 32 percent in 2017, according to the Pew Research Center.
Additionally, U.S. Census Bureau data from 2019 show that about 22 percent of single mother households lived below the poverty level, compared with 11 percent of single father households and only 4 percent of married-couple households.
That year, the median income for single mother households was an estimated $45,956, compared with $95,351 for married-parent households.
In general, mothers are overrepresented in low-wage jobs while often bearing the primary responsibility of their children, according to an April report from Rice University’s Baker Institute for Public Policy.
“Society in many ways has created a social structure that requires two incomes to create a sustainable lifestyle,” said Quianta Moore, a Rice University researcher who co-authored the report, which focuses on the virus’ impact on low-income women and their children. “So if you’re missing an income and making basic entrylevel pay, it’s still not enough for an entire household. So we disproportionately put families with only one income in a place where they are more vulnerable to changes or fluxes in society.”
Hawkins said she does not have nearby family to lean on. For her, returning to a full-time work schedule is a matter of survival.
“At the end of the day, I’m still trying with the best of my ability to provide a roof over my kids’ head and food in my kids’ belly,” she said.
Most affected demographic
The Rice University report found that stay-at-home restrictions “profoundly affect all residents and the economy — and negatively impact low-income working mothers the most.” Most jobs in industries that employ a higher concentration of women — including health care, food service and big box retail — cannot be done from home and therefore leave many single mothers choosing between child care and work.
Houston resident Kenia Madrigal, a single mother of four, said she often calls into work when she cannot find a babysitter. That is one obstacle among many the pandemic has thrown her way.
In May, Madrigal was laid off from her job as a parking attendant and denied unemployment benefits. She was evicted soon after and forced to live in her SUV with her four children, ranging in age from 2 to 11. The family experienced homelessness throughout the summer, even after Madrigal picked up a part-time job making salads at Sweetgreen .
The money she made went toward gas and basic needs for her children, she said.
“I was going downhill,” she said. “I didn’t believe there was any more hope.”
Eventually, help did come. A GoFundMe page set up by a friend in September caught the eye of local news outlets, which shared her story. The publicity drew a wave of donations that helped her rent a new home.
Madrigal has since found a more reliable job at the Joseph House Community Outreach Center. Child care, however, remains a challenge. She said four babysitters have come and gone, either because they contracted COVID or due to fear of an infection. Day cares also have cumbersome restrictions that make it difficult to enroll, she said.
On top of that, she is relied upon for help with online schooling and feels obligated to keep her cooped-up children entertained.
“I do cry sometimes,” she said. “I do scream. I do get frustrated and stressed, but at the moment, it’s just me.”
‘Constantly on edge’
Thus far, congressional legislation designed to support needy families through the financial crisis has not been adequate for lowincome mothers, the Rice University report said. In turn, that population likely will face long-term impacts on job availability and income levels, as well as potential issues with their children’s emotional and behavioral development.
Single mother Diaña Maria, 30, worries about the increasing frustration among her five children, all of whom take online classes.
The Trinity Gardens resident opted to keep them home from school because her mother, who recently underwent open-heart surgery, lives with them. Her two youngest, an 8-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl, also have disabilities.
She said the environment around their house is more tense than usual. Before the pandemic, her boys enjoyed basketball and karate as part of their routine. Now, video games have become the primary source of entertainment, leading to fights over who gets to use the gaming system.
“These kids’ emotional levels are off the wall,” she said.
Her two girls, the 5-year-old and a 14-year-old, face other challenges.
The youngest has a rare disease in which she is missing part of a chromosome, affecting her development. Frequent trips to the Houston Zoo and Children’s Museum were important for her education and social skills. Now, those trips largely have been replaced by watching YouTube videos, Maria said.
Her oldest daughter was an eighth-grader when the pandemic started, and the teenager has yet to experience traditional high school life. Junior varsity and freshman sports have been put on hold at her school. She spends most of her time in her room.
“Everything and everybody is constantly on edge,” Maria said.
‘Overwhelming stress’
While single mothers juggle responsibilities at home and in the workplace, their own mental health often falls by the wayside, said Maggio, the nonprofit founder.
Self-care is “almost a laughable word in a single mom’s life,” she said. “Then what happens is the snowball effect of overwhelming stress.”
Single mothers such as Madrigal have found refuge in weekly meditation exercises. Pam Kanaly, co-founder of Arise Ministries, also encourages the population to seek out a sense of community to combat feelings of isolation.
That could mean joining a single mother support group or getting involved in events at their local church, she said. Kanaly said that while many single mothers are struggling, the population also exemplifies resilience and determination.
“Some of the greatest parents I know are single mothers,” she said. “And some of the greatest adults I know are single mothers. They are strong. They are brave. And they are courageous.”