DEAR ABBY: Mom calls the shots in love life of her middle-aged son.
Dear Abby:
My husband died 11 months ago, and I thought I was ready to date. I dated a guy I’ll call Ken for six months, but things went south because it felt weird. My question is, is it normal for a 57-year-old man to still be living with his mom?
Abby, Ken’s mom said bad things in front of me. She told her son that if he’s going to have sex with me, he might as well live with me. (We never had sex.) Another time she didn’t want me to wear shorts, hold Ken’s hand or even sit with him at their house. Why? Do I need help?
— Young-Ish Widow in Illinois
Dear Widow:
A single man living with his mom is unusual, but not necessarily abnormal. Ken’s mother’s behavior, however, was not normal or acceptable. The extent to which this man’s mother controls his dating life is over the top.
Apparently, she perceives you as a threat, and she doesn’t want to “lose” her 57-year-old son. You don’t need help; SHE does. So does Ken, who appears to be her hostage. The tie that binds him to her may be emotional or financial, or those apron strings would have been severed decades ago.
Dear Abby:
My friend and I are planning a road trip. We live in different parts of the country, so he’ll be flying to my city, where we will start the trip. We plan to split the cost of car rental, gas and hotels.
However, I was assuming that he would pay his own airfare, and he was assuming that we would split it like everything else.
What’s normal in situations like this? Is it normal to pay one’s own airfare and expect costs to even out in the future when the other person flies to you? Or is it normal to split the cost each time? The road trip isn’t at risk because of this, but I want to set the right precedent for future vacations we take together.
— Road Tripping in Iowa
Dear Road Tripping:
This is something you need to discuss further with your friend. Do you consider his getting there a part of your shared vacation, or do you feel your responsibility begins when he arrives? There are no hard-and-fast rules about this.