Grandparenting teenagers can be a tricky task
The teen years, in my experience, is a practice round for women’s menopause and men’s midlife crisis. If you think about it, with these two physical/mental milestones come moods and emotions that may be totally foreign to your grandson or granddaughter.
Becoming a teenager also could be compared to being thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool and being expected to swim, even if no one has ever shown you how, and here’s where you, the grandparent, are not just needed, but are essential to your grand darlings successfully navigating the sometimes-rough spots, barriers and genuinely hard experiences along their life journey.
When I say “navigating,” I am talking about the temptations — of not doing homework because now they’re the only ones who know assignments and deadlines.
This means, most often, the teen doesn’t have anyone (parent or grandparent) coming behind them, reminding them when an assignment is due or when to study for a test.
Teens now have new responsibilities they may never have had before.
Another new responsibility in the teen years is choosing friends. Before middle or high school, moms arranged play dates, mom invited friends from places of worship, the soccer team, etc., for parties. In my teen years, one of my “besties” was the daughter of my mother’s friend and our grandmothers were friends before our mothers came along.
Neighborhoods were more established and home buyers stayed in homes twice as long as they do now, so we mostly grew up with our friends, grade school to high school.
Still another new responsibility for teens is decision-making, sometimes with no guardrails available. Always before, mom and dad usually took on the job of making, or helping make, decisions. Now, teens make many of their own decisions, and the invisible jury is there, judging whether that decision was the best one.
And then, there’s peer pressure, when total strangers have the ability to dictate what your grand darling wears, what organizations they join, even whether they take lunch from home, buy lunch at school or, if rules allow, go off campus for lunch.
Teens become decision-makers about whose car they climb into when moving from place to place, how they want their hair styled (and sometimes what color it is). They decide how they will spend their leisure time, what activities they prefer, even their attitudes toward people in general. Some even pick the political ideology they prefer — and this may not always be the same as their family’s.
Job one for grandmothers and grandfathers is to provide a stable foundation for that teen’s life. By the teenage years, sometimes mom and dad have gone their separate ways, and even if the child splits time between the two parents, neither is there all the time, but grandparents are always there, either physically or just a text or phone call away, and they know you’ll always be supportive.
Another of your top priorities as a grandparent is to teach — and demonstrate — respect to your grandchild.
That respect should not only be modeled through your own life but your grandchild, in
their teen years, should know the importance of respect for themselves and respect for others — even if their beliefs are different. They should have respect for property — theirs and the property of others, respect for authority and respect for another’s privacy.
As a grandparent, the relationships with our teen grand darlings will change, and:
1. We must respect their privacy.
2. They would rather prefer we listen — when they’re ready to talk, foregoing hearing what we think unless they ask.
3. We must be non-judgmental.
4. Teens require space to make mistakes, to fail. Unfortunately, losing happens throughout life.
5. Finally, your teenage granddarling really needs — and deserves — your unconditional love. In fact, they count on it, and you’ll need to remind them of this.