‘Married at First Sight’ stars dish on being show’s first Asian American couple
Filmed in Houston, Season 13 of Lifetime’s hit reality show “Married at First Sight” held up Houston’s reputation as the most diverse city in the U.S.
This season, two Hispanic couples, one African American couple and the show’s first Asian American couple were among the five couples who said “I do” after experts matched them with complete strangers.
One of the show’s experts and local Houston marriage and relationship therapist Dr. Viviana Cole said season 13 was the show’s most diverse cast yet.
“Everybody wins when you have representation,” said Cole, who considers the union of Johnny Lam and Bao Huong Hoang a “win across the board.”
“We have such an amazing, beautiful Asian American, Vietnamese American, Chinese American culture here and community here. So for them, I knew it would be special. I (also) think that it does give people a really great impression of our city, which is that everyone’s welcome. We want to see — and we do see — all sorts of ethnicities and cultures around us every single day.”
The popular docuseries puts an extreme modern twist on an arranged marriage by legally wedding strangers at the altar and documenting the progression of their marriage over eight weeks, until the couples reach “Decision Day” and verbally declare if they wish to stay together after the experiment or divorce.
Lam and Hoang were the only couple this season to have a reunion rather than a blind date at the altar. In episode one of this season, both of their jaws dropped as Hoang walked down the aisle and they realized they already knew each other, having met a decade ago in college. Although Lam and Hoang didn’t attend the same university, they were both presidents of their respective schools’ Vietnamese Students Associations and met at cross-events among presidents.
“It really is like a small world here,” Hoang said. “The Asian community here is massive. We have the largest Vietnamese community outside of California in the U.S. so it’s it’s huge, but because I’m involved in the community there, there’s a huge chance I’m going to know somebody that’s Vietnamese.”
Following their nuptials, the pair held a separate tea ceremony, symbolizing the union of two families. The bride and groom ask family members for their blessings and serve tea to their parents, in-laws and other kin.
The ceremony can look a lot different depending on the subculture.
Lam, who is Chinese American, said he was expecting something far less extravagant.
“Production fooled me because they originally asked me and I gave them all the details for a very simple, like Chinese tea ceremony,” he said. “What I had in mind was something really low key to chairs, a tray with lots of little teacups, and just handing over little red envelopes and kind words that’s what we usually do in my family.”
But the on-camera Vietnamese tea ceremony was much more ornate.
“I would have probably just worn a suit for a Chinese tea ceremony,” Lam said. “The procedure is way more elaborate. It’s very ornate, extravagant. But I do think that the meaning is the thing that really matters to me and that that definitely came across during our wedding.”
But for Hoang, who is Vietnamese American, it was very fitting and authentic.
“I thought it was beautifully done,” she said. “Both sides of the family were so pleased; I was so impressed. Because I expected something kind of whitewashed and Americanized and it was not.”
Typically being the first to achieve something brings all eyes on you, and both Lam and Hoang acknowledged it was a honor, but came as a shock.
“I mean, I am honored. I’m very honored to be the first,” Hoang said. “It’s also a lot of pressure. You know, because I’m aware I don’t owe anything to anyone but at the same time, because I’m involved in the community, part of me feels like I do a little bit in a weird way. I don’t know. It’s just it’s a lot of pressure.”
Lam says he didn’t feel the pressure as he “was ready for it” and expected a lot of eyes on them. But he acknowledged that it’s somewhat counterculture.
“Now it opens like this whole new audience that they’re interested to see an Asian American couple be together and go through this process that no else has and see what it’s like,” he said. “I do think it’s kind of weird. Traditionally in Asian culture, we tend to be a little more private about our lives and we don’t put ourselves out there like this. This kind of goes back to the rebel part of myself, like this is totally uncharacteristic for most people, but for me, this is like a normal thing. When I told my friends I was gonna do it, they’re like, ‘Oh, yeah, totally you. Go for it.’”
In the end, Lam and Hoang split on Decision Day after Hoang said she wanted a divorce. Now, Lam said his father is glad the entire process is over.
Reflecting on the experience, Lam is still honored they represented the first Asian American couple on the show.
“Growing up I didn’t see that many Asian American people in media and even today, it seems like we’re not very highly represented,” he said. “So to be selected to be the first Asian American couple on this TV show that I know millions of people watch — it’s an honor really, that I can represent the Asian American community and give them kind of a taste — especially during the wedding and even in conversations we say things that only Asian American people would understand growing up.”*