A message to old dudes
Dear fellow old dudes: You know those attractive young women you see at the workplace, in the mall, in line at the movie theater?
Those young women, quite frankly, are not interested in you in any sexual way, which means you should put any idea of sexually pursing such young women out of your feeble, aged head.
So Charlie Rose, Al Franken, John Conyers, Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Donald J. Trump and all of the countless others who have been, or will soon be, identified as sexually pursuing, harassing and even assaulting younger women, you should back off. These young women find you old, tired and pathetic. They, quite simply, do not find you sexually attractive in any way.
How do I know this? I teach young women, I take young women on studyabroad trips, and I hear young women talk.
That means I can tell you they find men in their 50s and 60s, even in their 40s, tired, old, sexually repulsive, nearly reptilian. They laugh at our paunchy bellies, our sagging man boobs, our receding hairlines and comb-overs, our fuzzy earlobes, hairy noses and age spots.
Other than the age spots/skin cancers and hair issues, I’m in better condition and hipper than most of you other old dudes, and I can tell you these young women even think I am ancient, totally corny, completely out of touch with the contemporary culture, barely ambulatory, nearly dead.
One young woman I had in a class said to me about a year ago, and I think she meant it in a nice way, “Mr. Kofford, you probably weren’t bad looking before you got so old.” I just smiled a creaking smile and replied, “Thank you?”
The truth is these young women, and their male contemporaries, believe our time has long passed.
They’re probably right.
The Clash, Sly and the Family Stone and Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers were cool when we were kids, but those bands are what Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman and Bix Beiderbecke were to our generation. We knew such music from previous generations was wonderful in its own way, but it wasn’t our music.
It’s the same thing with the younger generation now. They have little interest to no interest in Joe Strummer, Sly Stone or TP because they have Alex Turner, Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole. Most also don’t care much for “Seinfeld” or “The Sopranos” or any other hip shows of our generation. They have “The Walking Dead,” the never-ending string of Kardashian shows and all the other programs they watch on their laptops, cell phones and other devices that make no sense for viewing in our fading eyes.
What I’m trying to impart is we are worn, passé, dated and disconnected in almost every way in their minds.
I certainly don’t make sexual advances on my students. That would be wrong, as I am their teacher and sometimes their mentor. Plus I’m married. On top of that I’m as old, or older, than their fathers and they would find it absurd and repulsive, and I would find myself absurd and repulsive, if I betrayed their trust and abused my position of power.
I suggest the same for all old dudes in power over younger women. Instead of using your authority to impose yourself on uninterested, unwilling younger women who find you a dusty, disgusting relic, you old dudes might turn your affections to a woman closer to your age who just might share a few of your interests and still find you somewhat attractive.
That woman, quite likely, would be your wife. Bret Kofford teaches writing at San Diego State University-Imperial Valley. His opinions don’t necessarily reflect those of SDSU or its employees. Kofford can be reached at Kofford@ roadrunner.com