The NOSE report
This is the Not So Early (NOSE) warning which is becoming an annual alert necessary for the preservation of society, if I may place such a heavy responsibility on a mere newspaper column. Hey, guys! This is addressed to you. It’s time to get out of your man cave. Take off the blinders. Turn off the ESPN poker tournament and look around. Get in your pickup or your used BMW; get on your skateboard. Step on it. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Make a laser focused dash to Zales, Roberto’s, Macy’s, or the 99 Cents Store. It doesn’t matter much. The message is that you need to buy some gifts for your sweetie or suffer the locks being changed by sundown Wednesday. Forget Lids, an all-day pass to the shooting range, or the NFL app download. Not only is the NFL season over, yours may be too if you present this as a gift for her.
If you are reading this on the way home from work and time is short, stop off at one of the street corner vendors and buy an overstuffed animal and balloons. They’ll sell you a bunch of helium filled balloons, but be careful. If you are driving a Mini Cooper or especially a Fiat 500, don’t put too many balloons in the back seat. They will lift the rear wheels off the pavement making the car unsafe to drive. Also, if you are driving a Ford 20000 pickup with your dog in the back, do not attach the balloons to your dog’s collar. Your faithful doggie may be last seen floating to Yuma.
It’s not hopeless. The weather is still cool enough to buy chocolates. They come in a large red box shaped like a heart. Yes. They have doilies or other odd things inside, but they are also filled with chocolates. If it’s less than 85 degrees, you might get away with leaving them in your trunk while you stop off at Burgers and Beer to see your buds on the way home. But beware. Check the contents before you hand her the heart because if it has melted into one huge lump, we’ll just pray for you.
If you are under 25 years old, a dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings might be ok. A little older and Chili’s will do. All else: Fortune House or Garden, Kyoto Japanese. Older: Golden Corral or Carrows. If you have lasted this long as a couple, you don’t need this column as a reminder. Just remember to be nice and pay the bill. Step up for this occasion. No McDonald’s drive-thru. Ordering a chocolate milkshake through drive-thru order is not quite what I had in mind.
All of a sudden, well, we’re closing in on the big day; there are all these ads for Valentine’s Day romantic outings. Some are not quite so romantic, but let’s take a look. For many of these, you’ll have to drive out of the Valley where marketing is much more imaginative and your dollars simply fly out of your wallet faster. My favorite is in San Diego at Bivouac Ciderworks in North Park. It’s a “Veg Speed Date.” It’s speed dating for vegans and vegetarians. Speed dating is where you sit down with a stranger, and in a timed meeting you get to exchange biographies, anxieties, or whatever comes to a vegan fueled mind. OK. It’s not for the carne asada crowd. But it is unique. Then there’s the Beer and Chocolate Pairing. This is not a misprint. The event is at the Savage-wood Brewing Company. Yes. This is a something for everyone event not to be missed.
Got to go for flowers. I hear my dear wife exclaiming. “Practice what you preach, Rich.”