Knuckleheads and nincompoops

“Too many knuckleheads and nincompoops.” That’s what I think every time I consider the list of candidates for public office in Imperial County in the June elections. Yes, there are many qualified and quality people running for office in our county who deserve your vote. There are, however, a lot of rejects and retreads running, people who are perennial candidates, combined with folks who have been removed from office by voters for providing self-serving or just plain stupid “public” service.

I’m more than 10 years removed from working as editor of this newspaper, yet it is mostly the same cast of good-for-nothings and wheeler-dealers running for public office as it was way back then. That’s pathetic. Why don’t these people step aside and let a new generation of nincompoops and knuckleheads take over with new and fresh bad ideas?

Now I know some candidates out there are thinking, “I know Bret. We get along. He couldn’t possibly be thinking of me as a knucklehead or a nincompoop, right?”

Think again, slick. As I look at the candidate slate, there are more knuckleheads and nincompoops than there are potentially fine public servants among the group.

The candidates in the upcoming elections include two “gentlemen” who did their darnedest as longtime elected officials to purposely ruin one of our local cities.

Now they want to wreak havoc on a countywide/district-wide basis. At least they’re ambitious, right?

There are other people running who have completely embarrassed themselves, and our entire county, in public office.

Yet they don’t ever go away, despite the pleas of many.

Their campaign signs can be seen at crossroads all over our country. Most such signs have nothing significant to say and are only hoping to plant a name in our heads so we’ll later blindly vote for that name because of its familiarity.

One recurring campaign sign theme among a few candidates is, “There is nothing better than experience.” Really? How about sanity? How about probity? How about humility?

Another candidate has a motto on his campaign signs of “Always faithful.” As I’ve written previously, I expect that from a golden retriever. What I expect from an elected official is intelligence and integrity, just to start.

From most of these people you will get neither if they’re elected. They, quite simply, are knuckleheads and nincompoops. And I would know because I’m a knucklehead and nincompoop, too. But here’s the difference: I’m not running for public office. I know better. Or at least I did.

Yes, I’m thinking of running during a future campaign cycle. As a self-acknowledged nincompoop and knucklehead, I would be better than a lot of people running on the basis of self-assessment alone. I know who I am. And my campaign signs wouldn’t be any more meaningless than the ones I see around the county now.

I already have some campaign signs planned. I will have a sign that will feature a photo of me and simply read, “Bret Kofford: Handsome.” (That strategy, after all, worked for Jack Kennedy, although he actually was handsome.) Another will say, in an attempt to identify with local voters, “Bret Kofford: He loves fish tacos.” And finally, I will have a sign that will show total transparency as a candidate. It will read: “Vote Bret Kofford: He needs the money.”

In at least some seriousness, what I’m urging you to do is to vote for vote for people of integrity and intelligence who selflessly want to serve the public. Please don’t vote for people who already have proven as public officials, or human beings, to be knuckleheads and nincompoops.

And if I ever do run for office, please don’t vote for me.