Heat? What heat?

My pens have all dried up and the paper pad is about to self-ignite. Well, not quite but close. 118 or 120 on Friday. Do I hear 121? Going once, going twice…? Over the weekend, it was a balmy 113.

No relief by driving to LA where it was 108 late Friday afternoon. They are thinking of driving down here since they heard there’s plenty of parking available.

The roaches are scratching at the door requesting a thimble full of water.

What can a guy say? In this weather, charity extends to all manner of humans and beasts. But most thankfully, Fourth of July night was graced by a steady breeze.

Between the breeze and the fuses made of fire-resistant material, it was a challenge lighting fireworks.

Yes. 90 percent were safe and sane. There were a few firecrackers in the mix, and not very loud and also difficult to ignite.

I thought about firing up a cigar to light fuses, but on my dear wife’s suggestion, we opted for a candle. There are songs and books written about, “a candle in the wind.”

A candle in the wind is about as useful as an electric blanket in Imperial Valley in August.

Finally, we used one of those long-nosed, butane lighters which only blew out most of the time. So we were able to get a bunch of fountains lit and were they fun.

I bought them at the Kiwanis safe and sane stand on Fourth Street in El Centro.

Some neighbors had colorful sparklers, but another neighbor had a box full of giant fountains. I walked across the street to take some photos just at the right time.

A huge fountain exploded, lighting the next door neighbor’s bushes on fire and sending unknown particles my way.

Incoming! But our neighbors were prepared and threw a bucket of water on the burning bush. Kinda biblical.

Later, they hosed it all down. It was great fun played out to the KXO radio patriotic sound track.

There were rockets flying over rooftops but from no one we knew. Loud explosions were heard coming from all directions, and thankfully no gun shots as in past years. Who needs guns when there are M80s?

It’s too hot at night now to think of striking a match. I only want to eat ice cream. Friends send photos of the cool ocean on the coast of Maine.

Swimming and kayaking. Cooler locales call. Get out of this sauna. Come outdoors, they say, and feed the mosquitoes in the northeast.

Oh, just give me a large milkshake and a Johnny’s burrito, and I’ll stay.