Lock him up and throw away the shirts
Alternately mystified and disgusted by Paul Manafort’s now infamous wardrobe, I challenged Duh Hubby a few days ago to purge his overflowing closet. It should be noted that Duh is a bit of a clothes horse, although his taste runs more toward Kirkland dress shirts from Costco than Manafort’s collection from Opossums & More.
Also, Duh would never, ever wear anything with “bracelet sleeves” because, well, just saying it out loud would make this 6-foot-4 Southern man bust out in unbecoming church giggles.
These days, Paul Manafort probably pines for the days when he could pop over to House of Bijan in Beverly Hills to turn his frown upside down. Retail therapy. I’m no stranger. But I’ve certainly never visited House of Bijan, which calls itself “The world’s most expensive store.”
(Clearly he’s never been to Panera. And, no, I won’t let go of that bone until they learn how to charge under 10 bucks for anything that will keep you going for more than a half hour. Panera is the only place on earth where I have to “pregame” with some peanut butter crackers just to make sure I’ll last all the way to supper.)
The House of Bijan which specializes in hideous jackets made of exotic animal skins AND just plain wool wouldn’t last long in the South. (Manafort’s hugely hideous Carolina Blue sport coat featuring a giant windowpane plaid wouldn’t even make the Roy Williams-on-game-day cut and, trust me, that’s saying a lot.)
In the South, we prefer to mount critters like pythons and gators on the wall so we can admire their frozen taxidermied grins for generations to come rather than wear them on our bodies.
And we really hate tacky proclamations about how expensive our belongings are. The notion that a store would brag about being “the most expensive” in the same way Disney claims to be the “happiest place on earth” is bizarre and unseemly.
Two words which, now that I think about it, perfectly describe pompadoured Paul.
Bless his heart.
No, don’t.
The way I look at it, Manafort needed very badly to look like a man of means and House of Bijan filled the empty hole where his heart used to be.
But, as Countess Luann on the “Real Housewives of New York” is known to proclaim just often enough to be a drinking game: “Money can’t buy you claaaaassss.”
As a result of Manafort’s gall and greed, the whole world knows he spent a half million dollars on his current wardrobe.
The shallowness of such spending makes Kim Kardashian look like Ghandi in comparison.
Far be it from me to criticize another person’s choices (I’m just kidding; I LIVE for that kind of thing) but COME ON!
At my insistence, Duh performed a perfunctory purge actually managing to part with a few older (Kirkland) dress shirts and some cargo shorts he doesn’t know I threw on the donation pile because, well, cargo shorts. The best part? No otters were killed. Proud of that.