Gone loopy
Recently I took up crocheting, the theory being that if I can’t survive a zombie apocalypse, at least I can have nice coasters.
Crocheting is like knitting, but with one hook instead of two needles. Correspondingly, it requires half a brain to do, which is twice as much as I have.
Crocheting bucks up morale by the same amount as eating oatmeal.
But after hours of looping, tying, and twisting, I am left with an admirable result: a yarn snarl that Alexander the Great would not hesitate to cut through with a sword.
I do not own a sword, which is another reason why I wouldn’t survive a zombie apocalypse.
I’d be the first one left behind after my neighborhood watch discovered I had no useful skills such as tracking, carpentry, or at least tax accounting.
Maybe someone with my cranial capacity doesn’t have much to fear from brain-hungry individuals.
Besides, the undead don’t rise every day. Do you really have to learn basic survival skills?
But I bet everyone who’s found themselves barricading the doors while their kindly neighbor Frank chomps at the deadbolt has wished they started preparing sooner.
I bet they wish that even if their neighbor isn’t Frank. He could be a Herbert, or even a Maybelle. The point remains.
How should we prepare? I’m glad you asked, neighborhood reader.
I shall tell you, so you’ll know I have useful talents and shouldn’t be left as bait for the coming hordes.
People like me always become bait in movies. I am sure I speak for all of us when I say, NO, PLEASE, AHHH!
To return to your question, dear reader (kind, wonderful reader who will defend me with a machete), preparedness can be learned from the Boy
Scouts.
Ignore for the moment that I was never a Boy Scout, or even a Girl Scout. I can’t make cookies to save my life.
But I can provide valuable entertainment in the form of juggling.
All right, I thought it’d look more impressive in print.
You know who else looks impressive? The living dead. I mean the walking dead. I mean federal representatives. Whatever. You get it.
In a horror scenario, signaling for help would be useful. For now, let’s assume the rescue service is rescuing the rescue service rather than servicing the non-rescuers.
So help won’t come for several days. Or as I’ve started to mark time, help won’t come for two and a half coasters.
Shelter, water, fire, and food are your main priorities, depending on your situation. If you’re a good survivalist, you’ll find or make those in nature.
Most of us aren’t nature-dwellers, though. There aren’t a lot of places where all four needs could be met, unless you count a supermarket.
How long could you survive in there? We’ve all thought about it.
I think I could stretch it to a few weeks, even if I had to actually eat green beans instead of hiding them in napkins or the dog.
If I camped in the freezer section, I’d stay warm, thanks to crocheted hats, sweaters, and scarves.
Since I can only crochet circles of varying sizes, the effect would not be snazzy. But it’s about time we moved to simpler fashions.
It’s no mistake that numerous religions are celebrating life and renewal this time of year. We just experienced the spring equinox. The sun was directly over the equator. The world was in solar balance. The earth’s northern axis will now begin tilting more toward the sun. You’ve heard that we live where the sun spends the winter. Well, it spends a lot of the summer here too.
But not to worry. Get your air conditioner checked, and enjoy this season. Bougainvillea are exploding in colors. My potted Rouge Royale sunflowers are opening up their intensely dark burgundy faces. Green tomatoes are on the vines, and the desert mammillaria are in bloom.
Religions also recognize nature’s fertility and celebrate life and resurrection. Christians celebrate Easter and the resurrection of Jesus. It’s a time of rebirth for them. Ramadan marks the month when the first verses of the Quran were revealed to the Prophet Muhammad. Muslims fast from dawn to dusk during this holy month. Nowruz is celebrated throughout the former Persian Empire for 13 days. It’s a time of renewal for observers and a time to reconnect with nature. Passover remembers the Jews escape from Egypt.
For Christians, the Lenten Season lasts 40 days to represent the amount of time Jesus spent in the desert fasting and preparing for his ministry. Christians often fast and give up certain types of food. Indeed, the Lenten supper is usually vegetarian since meat, fish, egg, and dairy products are avoided along with sweets and alcohol. In some ways it resembles Ramadan fasting. In other ways it looks like my daughter’s vegan diet. The point of Lent is to focus on abstinence, sacrifice, and simplicity.
I recall from my Catholic School days the intense discussions among students about what they would give up for Lent. If you were serious about sacrifice, it would be chocolate and your favorite dessert. Otherwise, you’d pick something you didn’t like in the first place like broccoli or Brussels sprouts. You could always pick out the con artists even at a young age.
Ramadan is marked by fasting, reflection, charity, and prayer. Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset for one month. They are to refrain from food, drink, and sexual intercourse during the day. Fasting is obligatory for Muslims and both the predawn meal and the evening meal breaking the day’s fast are accompanied by prayers.
Fasting enables spiritual reflection. The observant person reflects on the gifts he or she has. Alms for the poor are commonly collected at mosques along with food. Donations for the poor are distributed on the last Friday of Ramadan.
When I lived in West Africa, I recall Muslims having a stressful time during Ramadan. Tempers became short, and the observant were uncomfortable and fatigued throughout the day. The evening meal, breaking the fast, took on great importance.
The Persians celebrate Nowruz on the first day of spring, March 19. It’s centered in Iran, but it is celebrated throughout central Asia. It literally includes cleaning one’s house as well as dancing around celebratory fires. Fire is seen as cleansing and a prelude to good health. Nowruz’s roots are in Zoroastrianism dating back a mere 3500 years. Nowruz includes celebratory foods as well as fireworks. Iran’s regime frowns upon many of these celebrations especially when women and men dance together and women forego their veils.
Another springtime celebration is Jewish Passover. This year it is celebrated from the evening of April 22 to April 30. Passover is a major Jewish holiday that celebrates the exodus of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. It’s celebrated at Passover Seder on April 22 when families gather for their special ritual meal, Seder.
During Passover, leavened bread is avoided. Houses are swept of crumbs. Instead of bread, the unleavened cracker, matzah, is eaten. It is eaten at the Seder and throughout the holiday in remembrance of the Jews’ hurried exodus from Egypt. There was no time to let the batter rise.
Celebrate these holidays. Enjoy springtime. Care for the poor.