Teen confides in stepmother
DEAR ABBY » My beautiful 17-year-old stepdaughter, “Amelia,” recently became sexually active. She’s in a “serious” relationship with the boy she had sex with. They have been together for six months, and from what she’s told me, they both gave each other their virginity and protection was used. She has not disclosed this to her parents.
My husband and Amelia are very close, but she and her mom recently had a falling-out. Amelia pledged me to secrecy, and I immediately scheduled her to see an OB/GYN to get her on birth control.
My question is, should I tell my husband? Eventually, it’s going to come out when he sees the explanation of benefits from the insurance.
Amelia’s mom and I have a solid relationship, and my husband and her mom also have a good one. I don’t want to keep secrets regarding their daughter, but I don’t want to betray my stepdaughter either. Please help.
— Struggling
Stepmom
DEAR STEPMOM » It isn’t necessary to betray your stepdaughter’s confidence to get her the help she needs. Go online to plannedparenthood.org, locate the nearest Planned Parenthood clinic and share that information with Amelia. The organization provides a wide range of lowcost services to women and men, including birth control, on a confidential basis. You should also encourage Amelia to discuss this with her parents.
DEAR ABBY » My wife and I have been married for decades, but 10 years ago she had, at the least, a texting affair with “Brad,” a longtime friend of her brother’s. Her brother, who knows about the affair, lives on a large tract of land owned by their father. Brad is there often to go hunting with her brother. My wife and I used to visit frequently, but now there is some concern that Brad might be there and we’ll have a conflict, so we don’t go as much. The affair was very upsetting to me, but my wife insisted we keep it quiet so her brother could continue his friendship with Brad.
But now our son, who knows nothing about the affair or how bad it hurt me, has become friendly with Brad. It is very difficult hearing him talk about things they do together. Should we tell our son about the affair?
— Still Hurt in Texas
DEAR STILL HURT » Tempting as it may be to “out” your wife to your son, don’t. Because you prefer not to hear what your son and Brad are doing, the next time it comes up, change the subject. He may or may not catch on and question you about the reason, but if he does, say you’d rather not discuss it.