Experiencing the wondrous sights, and stairs, of Egypt

As some of you know, I just got back from a vacation in Egypt. This was a fabulous, mystical experience that I recommend to everyone, especially those who like to climb stairs.

I didn’t count exactly how many stairs I hauled my carcass up and down, one at a time, clutching the railing for dear life. But it was more than I’ve undertaken in my recent travels, or maybe since the pyramids were built.

Let’s just say Egypt is not wheelchair-friendly.

Its national motto is “Welcome to Egypt. Start pumping those calves.”

As I always do nowadays, I hired a private guide and driver to take us around, which just makes life so much simpler and more pleasant. Especially in countries where, for example, people speak Arabic and you don’t. Your first thought is “Gee, I bet that was expensive,” but, actually, it’s not. We used Egypt Joy Travel and liked them.

I took my kids to Egypt on our own with no guides, just the three of us, some 15 years ago. The offspring still remember this trip fondly and ask to go back. I mean, what kid doesn’t love the pyramids? And riding camels?

But there are certain limitations to traveling alone with two kids, including being able to spend only four nanoseconds in any museum before they start complaining.

Me: Look! It’s King

Tut’s gold! Isn’t that thrilling?

Them: My feet hurt. I’m hungry. How much longer do we have to stay here?

Speaking of pestering, you can’t walk 5 feet in tourist haunts of Egypt without being hectored by some kind of vendor, who will cling to you if you make the hideous mistake of even making eye contact with him. This is another reason to hire a guide; it tends to make the vendors somewhat less likely to stick to you like Velcro.

Nowadays, I’m not dragging around two recalcitrant children — just one unwilling leg that doesn’t like to do what I tell it. This is why it’s hard to climb stairs or anything else, for that matter. I’ll say, “Up, leg. Up.” And it will just sit there ignoring me like our cat, Cairo. So then I have to pick it up and move it manually. Like a toddler having a tantrum.

Despite having one balky leg, we managed to cover a lot of ground on this trip, from Alexandria in the north to Abu Simbel in the south. Which includes most of Egypt, because it stretches out like a long snake along the

Nile and doesn’t end until it hits Sudan.

Even though it was hard on my body, it was well worth the experience. I almost got dizzy from the glory of the elaborately carved stone temples, dedicated to fascinating figures like Horus, the falcon-headed god. And even one to Sobek, the evil crocodile god. There were times, like standing in front of the Sphinx, you couldn’t really even believe you were there.

Seeing the temples in the middle of the Nile sometimes required taking a ferry and then finding burly guys willing to hoist my, ahem, portly self up out of the boat. But Egyptians tend to be nice people and were unfailingly good to me.

And the excessive stairclimbing was partly my fault because I knowingly booked us onto a Nile cruise boat that didn’t have an elevator.

I also chose a hotel in the city of Luxor that offered a free breakfast — on the top floor restaurant that overlooked the Nile. Did I mention that it also had no elevator?

Now, I will tell you that I was highly motivated to climb these stairs because in both cases, there was food at the end of them. I will do many things for food, even propel my sore legs, one at a time, up to where it’s located. Especially Egyptian food. Pita bread. Falafel. Roasted eggplant. Olives. Feta cheese. Fresh dates. Baba ganoush. Yum. Double yum.

I did have my Nitro walker with me, which I pushed around most of the country. This helped me keep my balance on uneven, ancient stone floors and rocky ground, but it did require a lot of hard pushing, especially uphill. The worst was at the Valley of the Kings, which is a place you really must see. Really. You must. But it is also the least accessible.

Still, I did manage to go into two tombs before I lost the will to live, and those two made it all worthwhile. The Temple of Karnak was better. They even rent wheelchairs there. And Abu Simbel will put you in a golf cart and haul you to the temples.

So ignore everything I just said and go. It’s a good time because the dollar is very strong against the Egyptian pound. And your doctor will be happy. Because you got all that exercise.