SAGITTARIUS
Dear Annie: I see that you often answer questions pertaining to families trapped in addiction. I grew up in that special hell with all of the complex trauma issues that go along with that lifestyle.
I am a card-carrying member of Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics. I have found ACA the most helpful. You never mention it, so I thought I might bring it to your attention. The Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families goes beyond Al-Anon. Sometimes, these addictions were in the previous generation, and while our parents didn’t drink, all of the emotional nonsobriety was there. ACA teaches us to go back, reparent our inner child, learn what we didn’t receive as children, then reparent and provide that love and support to ourselves. Just a suggestion. May you research it and find it useful.
– Alternative Around
Alcoholism
Dear Alternative: A wonderful suggestion indeed – many thanks. You’re right that ACA reaches past Al-Anon to help those plagued with experiences of alcoholism but also general dysfunction in their childhood and home lives. Some chapters are still being developed, so if you’re interested, consult the web to see what options are available in your region.
Dear Annie: I have been with my fiance for 21 years, and we’ve been engaged for nine. We have three beautiful girls together, and he has two older kids from his previous marriage. He has always made me feel like second best. He always puts his ex’s feelings before mine and never takes what I say into consideration. I bring this up to him, and he says that I need to grow up. He tells me that my daughters and I should know our place as women.
He caters to his other two kids all the time and listens to them, but when it comes to our girls, he tells them to stop being sissies and to shut up. He tells his older kids to be there for their mom and help her out, and to my girls, he says I’m lazy and don’t care. I work 50-plus hours at the hospital and take our kids to sports while he expects to have a fullcourse meal on the table and for me to cater to all of his needs. He says he works hard and “doesn’t have time for this crap.” I no longer know what to do. He makes me feel unworthy, unappreciated and devalued as a human. I no longer want to be intimate with him because he makes me feel so bad about myself. I am in a verbally abusive relationship. What should I do? My girls are also being verbally disrespected.
– Woman in Need of Relationship Advice
Dear Woman in Need: You aren’t a woman in need of relationship advice; you’re a woman in need of a new relationship. This man is a walking red flag, from his disrespect toward you and your daughters to his lack of contribution in your home life to his verbal abuse and, I can’t help but notice, his failure to solidify your relationship in marriage after two decades together and a ring already on your finger.
Sharing children with this man means you will always be tied to each other, but that doesn’t mean you have to be his wife-in-waiting or his keeper anymore. Put a stop to this mistreatment. Put yourself and your happiness first. Show your girls what a healthy, loving relationship looks like and what not to settle for. There’s someone else out there who is just waiting for the chance to love you.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
(March 21 to April 19) Shutting people out to avoid distractions, even under a deadline, can cause hurt feelings. Instead, return calls and emails, and explain why you need a zone of privacy for now.
(April 20 to May 20) Although your keen Bull’s eyes usually can discern what’s fact from what’s faux, that upcoming decision will need really solid data before you can risk a commitment.
ARIES TAURUS
(May 21 to June 20) As your confidence grows, you should be able to work toward your goals with more enthusiasm. Open your mind to suggestions. Some of them might even work for you.
(June 21 to July 22) Reconnecting with someone from your past stirs up that old sense of adventure. But before you do anything else, be sure to get answers to any lingering questions.
(July 23 to August 22) Some people might resent the way you plan to resolve a difficult situation. But your commitment to making
GEMINI CANCER LEO
tough but fair decisions soon wins you their respect and support.
(August 23 to September 22) Mixed signals could be causing that vexing workplace problem. Before you choose to leave the project, ask for a meeting so that you can get things out in the open.
(September 23 to October 22) Your good intentions could backfire if you’re not careful with other people’s feelings. Try using persuasion, not pressure, to get others to see your side of the situation.
VIRGO LIBRA
(October 23 to November 21) Your dedication to finishing the task at hand is laudable. But be careful not to overdo the midnight oil bit. Take time for relaxation with someone
SCORPIO
very special.
(November 22 to December 21) Although your intuition will help you make some tough choices in the first half of the month, you’ll need more facts to back up your actions later on.
CAPRICORN
(December 22 to January 19) All that hard work and research in the workplace finally pays off as you hoped it would. Ignore comments from jealous types who are out to get the Goat riled up.
(January 20 to February 18) An unfair decision creates unnecessary problems. But avoid anger and move carefully as you work this out. Expect to get support from an source.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A fuzzy financial vista persists until the end of the month, when things begin to clear up. You’ll also gain a better perspective on how to handle pesky personal problems.
BORN THIS WEEK: You have a wonderful way of being there for those who need your help in difficult times.