Thanks for the tips, Dale, you wizened old geezer
There’s something to be said for time-tested advice. Take, for instance, the following list of tricks of the trade used by “exceptional leaders.” Many of these might seem familiar, since they arrived on the scene in 1936 in Dale
Carnegie’s hugely influential book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
However, I found the suggestions a bit thin on detail, so I went ahead and added a few points to further illustrate the principles that are supposed to help people become good bosses.
1) Ease into Criticism.
At the start of the meeting, note that
Mr. Jones is wearing a lovely new spring tie, decorated with birds, which takes our minds off the stark reality that Mr. Jones remains an incompetent fool who is incapable of producing a useful sales report.
Take the useless papers he just distributed and use them to line a bird cage, since that’s all they’re good for.
2) Call Out Minor Mistakes Indirectly.
Ms. Anderson has done a spectacular job on the regional report – even though it has the wrong date, the wrong location and the wrong logo and she apparently is in the wrong job – and the Spring Flower motif is a wonderful touch, too. 3) Recognize Your Own Mistakes in Front of Your Team
Last night while you were all at home or frolicking in a meadow of Spring flowers, I was reviewing the Profit and Loss Report I completed and sent to you all. Guess what? I made a $2 million error. I’m rather embarrassed. But not as embarrassed as this group of morons and slackers should be. Anyone here even read that report? Anyone here know how to use a calculator? Anyone here want to keep their job by actually doing their job? Anyone here going to get me coffee and a gluten-free muffin? 4) Try to Offer Suggestions Instead of Giving Direct Orders I would suggest, Mr. Smith, that you finish that spreadsheet. If it’s not done in two hours, I will suggest that you should be tied to your chair until it is finished. Oh, and if, like the last time, there are half a dozen mistakes, I will suggest that you get tossed out on the curb with last night’s garbage and that bunch of dead Spring flowers.
5) Praise Every Achievement and Improvement.
Great work, Joe, you cashed your check this week without feeling guilty for “stealing” the company’s money. Look, there’s Betty showing up without a hangover for the second time this week, the woman is on a roll. Hey, let’s not forget Larry, a man who can pad an expense account like a drunken Congressman. Then there’s Charlene the Queen of Facebook, love those kids and cats. Andy, how about another three-hour, three-margarita lunch followed by a nap in the storeroom? Finally, three cheers for the Accounting Department, since they processed the correct number of pink slips to hand out at our upcoming Spring Fling – The Losers Out the Door Celebration.
OPINION
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop has always embraced collegial, teambuilding management techniques that utilized a cooperative, collaborative effort. Just as long as the result, of course, is exactly what he wanted to do in the first place.)