There could be a Mom Robot in your future
The big-brained boys and girls at Apple Computer have a new big idea: Robots that will follow you around the house and be “helpful.” Siri the talking Apple “helper” must be livid and red-faced with jealousy. He/She/It is just sitting there inside your phone or your home app smoldering and waiting to launch into a profanity laden rant about how Apple is tossing He/She/It into the ash heap of history to chase after the next “big thing.”
Oh well, tough circuits, Siri.
Apple is being a bit coy about its robot plans. It seems to still be in the
“early development” stages. That is good news. Since it’s still early, there is a good chance Apple is still taking suggestions about the kind of robot it needs to make that will be “helpful” around the house. Yes, that would make yet another aspect of the Jetson’s cartoon become reality – remember Rosie, the family’s robot maid?
My first suggestion is to forget about one, do-it-all robot. Customization is the trend right now, with consumers wanting a device or robot tailored to their specific needs. So, Apple folks, consider making a couple different robots to fill different roles.
Of course there will be a Mom Robot. This machine will follow you around and offer “helpful” tips, questions and advice, such as, “pick up your socks,” or “would it kill you to help with the dishes once and a while?” or “are you getting a fever? Let me feel your forehead,” or “turn that music down or you’ll go deaf.” The database could be massive, since Mom Robot will clandestinely download everything on your phones, laptops, video games and other devices onto her hard drive to help her “build” a good picture of those she will be “helping.”
Yes, there will be a Dad Robot, but this machine’s software is a limited to 25 unfunny Dad Jokes repeated on an endless loop, 300 situations that make him recall how things were “back in my day when I was your age,” along with about 20 variations of eye rolls deployed when any female makes any sort of suggestion or contradicts one of his famed “rules to live by.”
Probably a big seller would be the Enabler Friend Robot. Ask this machine anything and get a “yes, yes, yes, you deserve it, live your best life, go for it.” For example, “Robot, should I have three Bloody Mary’s the morning of my big work presentation?” Answer: “Yes, you got this, feel your power, embrace the challenge.” Or, “Robot, Should I quit because the boss said I was drunk?” Answer: “Absolutely, one door closes another will open.” Question: “Robot, instead of looking for another job, should I just hitchhike to Nashville?” Answer, “A wonderful adventure, go for it.”
On the flip side, there should also be a Responsible Taskmaster Robot who answers “no” to every off-beat excuse/question devised to avoid actually navigating the real world, and “yes” to every question about working hard, paying bills on time, being a good friend, being loving and compassionate, blah, blah, blah.
That one should be popular. Maybe even a bestseller, since parents will buy it for their 20-something kids just dipping their toes in the real world.
OPINION
(Jon Klusmire of Bishop can barely program his phone, so trying to dial in a home robot is going to be out of the question.)