Christmas gifts that matter
“The season of Christmas, aglow with bright lights
brings wintery soft shadows to the edges of night.
These lights in the world are a symbol of love.
A gift, it’s a gift to be shared…”
The holidays are rapidly approaching. Presents are being purchased and wrapped. Homes are decorated with pine boughs and twinkling lights. Trees with ornaments and memories are put up. Invitations to gatherings are sent, while friends and family come together to celebrate. Meals are planned and Christmas letters are composed. It is mostly joyful, but it can also be exhausting; divining the perfect gift; ensuring that family gatherings are absent conflict, stretching the checkbook or credit card to the limit…
Recently, I read that Americans will spend nearly 900 billion dollars this Christmas season. To put that in perspective, it is 2.5 times the GDP of Finland (Santa’s alleged home country!) The majority of these dollars will be spent on gifts, while food, travel, and entertainment account for much of the remainder.
I certainly have nothing against giving (or receiving) gifts, but I was struck by the fact that for many people, gift giving isn’t a spontaneous gesture of appreciation, but rather is some sort of ritualistic obligation, and as such, has very little lasting meaning. Many parents, for example, go into debt buying their children “the perfect gift” only to discover that their child’s desire in October when they purchased said gift to avoid it being sold out, is no longer the object of their child’s desire. And even if it is, most of the gifts that people receive are quickly used up and forgotten.
Of course we all have several “special” gift memories from our childhoods — our first bicycle, a favorite doll, a BB gun, but as we age it becomes increasingly difficult for us to recall many of the specific items we received. We may remember how these gifts made us “feel” and therein may lie the key to Christmas gifts that matter.
Perhaps the most important gift that we can ever give others is the gift of patience. I was talking with a youngster recently and posed this question: “Would you rather get an amazing toy, or have your parents not yell at you for an entire year.” The response was instantaneous. “Oh,” the child replied, “I’d much rather my parents didn’t yell at me — that would be epic.”
It may be hard to “wrap” patience, but I wonder what it would look like if we gave the gift of our patience to those in our circle of care? Not just our children, but our parents, our spouses, our employees, all of those with whom we come in contact.
And what about the gift of time? I’ve been a human services practitioner for over 50 years now, and I’ve never heard a child complain about their parents giving them too much of their precious time, but I’ve heard a lot of sorrow related to parents who seem too busy to care. This isn’t just about children either. One of the leading causes of divorce is loneliness because for some, being “alone” isn’t nearly as painful as being lonely with someone who is emotionally (or physically) absent.
Have you considered “kindness” as a gift? Kindness, thoughtfulness, respect, all can be freely given, but they require the giver to focus on the needs of others rather than just upon their own small world. Although I understand the concept of “Random acts of kindness” I would propose that we engage in strategic, daily acts of kindness to all of those with whom we come in contact. We don’t have to agree upon everything — politics, religion, customs, and traditions, but practicing the behavior (gift) of kindness with others is ultimately the only lasting gift that matters. Remember, people will rarely remember what you said to them, or did with them, but they will always remember the way you made them feel, and if they felt cared for your gift found fertile ground.
For some people, the holiday season is not a time of joy. They may have experienced loss during the previous year, or they may still be holding grudges against others, grudges which may seem amplified by the sentiments of the season. The gift of forgiveness is often difficult to give. For some reason we seem to almost enjoy in a selfrighteous sense, holding onto the wrong we perceive that was done to us, and our suffering is our badge of honor. Give it up. Let go. Move on. The gift of forgiveness is like a boomerang — you give it, and it comes back to you. Remarkably the gift of forgiveness often helps the giver more than the one that was forgiven.
These gifts of which I speak aren’t material gifts. They are spiritual gifts. They are the essence of “the behavior of love.” And isn’t that really what the Christmas message is? Into a darkened world, there was a light, and that light was love.