Nosy mom knows she’s wrong

DEAR AMY >> My eldest daughter is 15. She is a sweet girl, has friends, and does pretty well in school. Her dad and I love and like her.

She takes basic care of her clothes and her room, but about once a week I go into her room and basically straighten up. She knows I do this because — well, she sees the result when she gets home from band practice.

My question concerns her diary. She usually leaves it peeking out from under her pillow, and sometimes on top of her bed. Lately I’ve been reading through her diary. I haven’t seen anything too alarming (or even very interesting), but I’m wondering if what I’m doing is wrong? — Wondering Mom

DEAR MOM >> I think that what you’re doing is wrong. And so do you.

How do I know? You answer this ethical question yourself when you ask: “... I’m wondering if what I’m doing is wrong?”

If your teenage daughter told you she was eavesdropping on a friend or family member and asked, “I’m wondering if what

I’m doing is wrong?” you would wisely answer: “If you are wondering enough to ask this question, then I think you already know the answer. Step back, reflect on your actions, and respect others’ privacy — just as you expect others to respect your own.”

The only justification for reading your teen’s diary is if you have credible evidence or an obvious concern that the teen might hurt herself or someone else.

DEAR AMY >> “Unappreciated Tipper” wanted the wait staff to express appreciation for his generous tips.

As one who was trained to be a waiter in five-star restaurants, I should point out that courtesy and privacy are key items in the training and that you should not look at the tip until the customer is out of the building, in order to avoid bias, good or bad, anytime they return.

— May I Take Your Order

DEAR ORDER >> Thank you for passing along your wisdom.