Grieving sister doesn’t welcome an addition to the family

DEAR AMY >> I lost both my parents a day apart two years ago.

Two years before that, my older sister died. She was 11 years older than me.

My sister was my biggest supporter, and was like a second mom. She was a half-sister, but ... we were just sisters.

I also have two halfbrothers 13 and 14 years older, but I’m not as close to them as I was to my sister.

These siblings are all from my mom’s first husband, who died of cancer before I was born.

My dad basically raised my older half-siblings from the time they were very young.

A few months after my parents died, I got a message from a DNA site that I have a half-sister.

My dad was in the army and always joked I could have half-siblings somewhere.

The problem is that I don’t want to acknowledge or meet this sister.

I feel bad, but to me, I am my dad’s only child.

I was raised pretty much as an only child, because my siblings were much older.

I took this DNA test to see my heritage, not even thinking that it could spark a sibling somewhere.

This has totally wrecked my life. This sister keeps messaging me and I’ve blocked her on social media.

I don’t even want her to see pictures of my family. I feel I can’t even post pictures on Facebook for fear she’ll see them.

Am I being selfish?

— DNA Gone Wrong

DEAR GONE WRONG >> I don’t think you’re being selfish. I do think you’re overwhelmed by loss.

You need to give yourself a break. I think it would be wise to step away from all of these triggers and work on your own healing.

Some people might welcome the timing of the emergence of a sibling (after extreme loss, here is a gain), but for you the timing could not be worse.

If you felt more emotionally balanced, however, you might not see this as a life-ruining event.

I’m not saying that you should force yourself to let this person into your world. I am saying that you should put this relationship on a shelf for a while and concentrate entirely on working through the losses you’ve experienced.

A grief counselor could help you to make sense of your own feelings.

You could find a grief group to attend through social media or by calling your local hospital.

DEAR AMY >> Regarding the conversation in your column about how children can turn any toy into a weapon, we have a home video from over 20 years ago of our 3-yearold son receiving a LEGO set and immediately building the shape of a gun and pretending to fire it.

At the same time our 4-year-old daughter received a pretend hairs-tyling kit.

Our son took the little hair dryer and began using it like a gun.

He is in his late 20’s and owns no firearms at all.

It is just how he organically interpreted the toys at the time.

— Mom

DEAR MOM >> So true.

Given this tendency, there is no need to give actual toy guns to kids.