Sister resents being out of the loop

DEAR AMY >> I am the youngest of three siblings. I’m in my 60’s. To avoid conflicts with my older sister, “Ann,” I will say “good idea,” but will do things my way, anyway. We live on opposite sides of the country and don’t get along.

My husband and I have a good, happy marriage.

Ann’s marriage is not always as happy, so she may be jealous.

Her husband, “Bill,” and my husband have become very good friends.

Last year, Bill sold a business. I believe he received a substantial amount in the sale. When I asked how much he had received, my sister said she “didn’t know,” but I’m sure she does know.

Bill confided the amount to my husband, but also asked him not to tell me.

I really don’t care how much he received, as their finances are their business. What bothers me is that they now have my husband in the loop and are keeping a secret from me.

When I asked my husband about it he said he is respecting Bill’s wishes. I feel this has driven a wedge between the four of us.

This is not the first secret Ann and Bill have kept from me.

I do not discuss their lives with anybody else, so I don’t get it.

Am I wrong to feel this way? My relationship with Ann and Bill is no longer the same. We do talk but not as often as before.

When we do talk, she is always distracted and never really listens to what I say.

Is it right that my husband has more respect for Bill than for me?

My husband loves me and takes great care of our family. He is a good man but this whole issue irks me.

How do I move forward?

— Bothered

DEAR BOTHERED >> Your brotherin-law’s financial take from the sale of his company is definitely none of your business. You state as much, and yet you obviously believe that you should be told, anyway. You were very eager for this information even before you learned it was being kept from you; now you frame this private financial information as a family secret.

Your husband poked the bear when he disclosed that he held the information that you are so curious about; you might assume that “Bill” asked him to keep this information completely private from everyone — including you — but you interpret this discretion as secret-keeping from you specifically, and I don’t think you should.

I don’t think it’s obvious that your husband has more respect for Bill than for you; it is obvious that you don’t believe in this family’s right to hold this information close.

You might be able to open up your relationship with your sister (if you want to) by admitting your vulnerability here.

DEAR AMY >> “Mad in Minnesota” are parents of a son whose girlfriends’ parents see them as “bumpkins,” and “regifted” a used fruit basket.

You offered two responses: To say nothing, because that was the “classy” way to handle it, or to include the original re-gifting note into a thank you to the parents.

If you want someone to respect your intelligence, you can’t let them go on thinking they put one over on you.

— Disappointed Reader

DEAR DISAPPOINTED >> Fair point.