Talk to teens about dating violence

Today, people across the country will celebrate love with boxes of chocolate, flowers and romantic dinners. But, for many teenagers love can be dangerous — approximately 10% of U.S. teens have been the victims of dating violence, according to teendvmonth.org.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and as such we’d like to encourage parents to talk to your teens and tweens about dating violence and abuse.

Teen dating violence is defined as physical, psychological, or sexual abuse; harassment or stalking of any person ages 12 to 18 in the context of a past or present romantic or consensual relationship.

Like domestic violence and sexual assault among adults, it is believed that many cases of teen violence aren’t reported because victims are afraid to tell their family and friends.

While no two relationships look the same and different people may define relationships in different ways, there are a few key things that must be present in all relationships for them to be healthy: respect, equality, honesty, trust, communication, boundaries and consent.

Relationships exist on a spectrum and it can sometimes be hard to tell when behavior goes from healthy to unhealthy or even abusive. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s loveisrespect.org program, typical warning signs include:

• Checking your phone, email, or social media accounts without your permission;

• Putting you down frequently, especially in front of others;

• Isolating you from friends or family (physically, financially or emotionally);

• Extreme jealousy or insecurity;

• Explosive outbursts, temper, or mood swings;

• Any form of physical harm;

• Possessiveness or controlling behavior;

• Pressuring you or forcing you to have sex.

If you have a teenager who is in a relationship and suspect it is violent, unhealthy, or dangerous — take time to talk to your child about teenage dating violence. Here are some suggestions from teendvmonth.org to help you talk to your child:

• Establish open lines of communication and set positive examples — Teenagers take cues from their surroundings and the media they follow. If you and your teen are watching a movie about domestic violence, use the opportunity to talk about what you see on the screen. Simply encouraging positive relationship habits can help your teen shape positive habits;

• Talk to daughters and sons — Either can be victim or perpetrator in violent teenage relationships. Staying attuned to behavioral changes in both sons and daughters is important;

• Talk privately — Teens are very sensitive to the perceptions of others and may be embarrassed about their situation. Finding a private space where your teen is most comfortable can help set the scene for meaningful conversations;

• Acknowledge that relationships are difficult — Try to relate to the difficulties your teen may be experiencing in his or her relationship by confirming that you understand how much energy — both emotionally and mentally — a healthy relationship requires. It is easy for relationships to fail because resorting to unhealthy behavior is easier than investing time, energy and consideration;

• Understand your teen’s relationship — If your teen is in a relationship make it a point to ask about his or her partner. Invest in their relationship.

Those in an abusive relationship or who know someone who is can call the Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or log on to the interactive website, loveisrespect.org.

“Teen dating violence is defined as physical, psychological, or sexual abuse; harassment or stalking of any person ages 12 to 18 in the context of a past or present romantic or consensual relationship.”