DEAR ANNIE®
Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I are really in love, but we are opposites in so many things. She loves to travel, and I like my routine at home. She always wants to dance, but I think of myself as a lousy dancer. However, she always encourages me when we’re on the dance floor -- offering compliments and holding my hands.
Her idea of a fun Saturday night is a night club with drinking, dancing and staying out late -- and then sleeping in on Sunday morning. My preference is to stay home and get takeout and watch a movie together.
She works in sales, so her job is to be out all the time, entertaining people. I work at home on the computer. She likes to recharge by going out, while I like to recharge by staying in. When I bring this up, she tells me she loves me and wants for me to be happy, so she will stay in more. But I want for her to be happy, too, so I’ll say no, we should go out at least some of the time.
We really do love each other, but I worry that her extroverted personality and my tendency toward being an introvert could develop into a major problem later in life. Am I overthinking this, or do you think it will become a problem? -- Opposites
Dear Opposites: The fact that you have opposite personality traits isn’t really the problem; sometimes, those relationships can be the best.
True love is about supporting each other and compromising, and it sounds like you both do that. Yes, I believe you are overthinking this and would encourage you and your girlfriend to keep doing what you are doing -- by having some nights out and some nights at home, and constantly supporting each other by communicating your feelings of love.
Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years. She’s in her late 40s, and I just turned 50. She has one young child, and I have three older children. Both of our divorces set us back financially, but mine more than hers. A large portion of my retirement is gone, and I sold my house and now rent. However, I do have a pension plan to retire.
I know we’re compatible because the intimacy is excellent. We enjoy spending time together, and I could see spending the rest of my life with her. However, financially there could be some red flags. For example, in recent months, she often talks about friends, acquaintances and colleagues regarding their impressive job titles, trust funds and multimillion-dollar inheritances -- none of which I have. Also, she has said a man should have a nicer house, more money and a better car than her -- none of which I have either.
Do I approach her with my concerns or let this go as nothing more than idle conversation? Should I enjoy the journey and not focus on the destination? -- Am I Good Enough?
Dear Good Enough: Her subtle putdowns say more about her than you. It seems that she is living in shallow waters. But that doesn’t make her completely superficial. She might not even realize that she is making these jabs at you, but by making those comments, she is certainly putting you down and making you feel like you’re not enough. Continue on your journey with her because part of a healthy relationship is healthy communication -- and, sometimes, difficult conversations. In the long run, you will save a lot of grief having one or two difficult conversations rather than letting resentment and hurt feelings build up.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.