Mother’s Day more than just a holiday for some local residents
Mother’s Day is often celebrated with flowers, cards, candy, dinner at a favorite restaurant, family get-togethers and time spent visiting with women who can be called mother for many different reasons.
However, in the deep and enduring shadows formed by the backlight of our memories linger the spirits of our deceased mothers.
What would we say now if we had just five more minutes with them? Many hearts, like Sarah Morris Richards’s, trembled as they explained their thoughts about what to mention in so little time.
The question unearthed profound emotions among many people interviewed, resonating through the feelings of loss and undying love, leaving some bittersweet imaginings of one last, fleeting reunion. It highlighted that mothers will always be mothers, regardless of the day or even their presence.
“I tried to get through reading your post, but was in tears just thinking about mom. It’s been 15 years since I’ve talked to her. I think I would just cry and hold her,” she said about this newspaper’s social media inquiry asking for their thoughts on the topic.
Patty Rogers of North Kingstown said, “So if I had the opportunity ... they would be thank you for passing on your humor and strength, and for continuing to live with us, through us. I still feel your hand in mine and see your smile in my dreams.”
“My mother, Mary Pietrangelo Lutfring, was a vivacious woman known for her contagious laugh, generous spirit, and universal kindness and compassion. She had a sharp mind, a sharper sense of humor, and there was nothing she couldn’t do or figure out,” she said.
Her mother survived childhood poverty and the abuse of an alcoholic spouse. She died from breast cancer over three decades ago, leaving two children in their 20s and a four-year-old grandchild.
“A lifetime has passed in which I often find myself angry that she was robbed — we were robbed — of her participation. I dream of the things she would have
taught my children — she knew every word to every song from just about every decade,” Rogers said.
She added that in the 34 years since her mother passed, she had married and had three more children. Her brother now has a son, and that four-year-old grandchild long ago has grown into an adult and is now a mother.
“Now and then I catch myself making a silly comment, laughing a little harder than most at a funny situation or using that humor to get through hard times, and I realize she didn’t really leave us. She is right here and through me she survives to leave her mark and legacy on my children, and eventually theirs,” she said.
Her mother continues to bring beauty to her life every day. “I love the surprise of suddenly finding her in a moment. I love seeing her in my adult children’s and nephew’s laughter,” Rogers added.
The idea of remembering that connection to someone who has passed is important to Joanne Wilkinson. She was nine years old when her mother died about 45 years ago. She has a family friend who knew her mother.
“I still stop by to see her almost every time that I’m home. It wasn’t until I was much older that I began to wonder whether she missed my mom, too, and whether she saw anything of her in me when we visited,” she said.
Wilkinson also said that she’d like to hear her mother’s voice again in her five minutes.
“Rather than me telling things to her, I would like to let her speak to me: to tell me if she is proud of me, to give me advice. Even though I’m much older now and have a daughter myself, it would mean a lot to hear her voice,” she said.
South Kingstown Town Manager James Manni, a retired state police officer, lost his mother, Ann, in 2020 during the COVID epidemic.
“My mother and I were very close. Every day during Covid I would pull up to her nursing home window in my state police cruiser, call her to let her know I was there, then wave and flash my lights,” he remembered.
“There was really nothing left unsaid between us. My mom knew that I loved and treasured her. So if I was granted five more minutes, I would bring her to the bingo with my family — two things she loved — and we would watch her smile and laugh, and thank her once again for the wonderful life she gave us,” he said.
The feeling of thankfulness also crossed the mind of Diana Christie-robitaille of North Kingstown.
“If I had just five minutes to speak with her, I suppose I would want to thank her for serving as the role model that she did. To express how much appreciation our entire family had for an incredible job well done,” she said.
“My mother passed totally unexpectedly 10 years ago. Her birthday was May 13th, so it always fell on or very close to Mother’s Day. Suzanne was as wonderful a mother as I think it possible to be. She embodied all of the characteristics that our culture values in their women and in their mothers,” she said.
“She was brilliant, hard-working, loving, funny, stylish, beautiful. She and my father loved each other deeply and served as a solid foundation for their family,” she added, noting her mother’s many talents with cooking, baking, painting and knitting.
Church-going and insisting on her children following the same path, she was never heard to be crude or “take the Lord’s name in vain,” Christie-robitaille said, adding, “She most often had some floral arrangement on the kitchen table that she had perfectly arranged herself.”
Appreciation for so much in life also came from Denise Levesque Robbin of South Kingstown.
“If I had only five minutes, I’d fill them with gratitude. Thanking her for all the things I never took the time to thank her for. And love. I’d fill those five minutes with all the love I have in me. There is no surrogate for my mom, but my children fill the void. The circle of life — I’m now the mom, and she lives on in the love I have for them,” she said.
That mystical binding emotion called love, often welding parent and child, echoed through Patty Lawson Morris’s thoughts, too.
“My mom is gone. It will be 19 years. I would tell how much I love her and miss her. Tell how her two grandchildren have grown to be awesome adults,” she said.