Matron of honor declines serving at summer wedding

DEAR AMY >> I am getting married this summer and was looking forward to having my best friend be my matron of honor. I was maid of honor in her wedding.

Right after I got engaged, she got pregnant with her first child, and her baby is due in late spring.

She initially said she would be able to make this work, but recently told me she decided to decline, because she does not want to travel across the country with a newborn.

I respect her decision and appreciate the advance notice.

She has scheduled her future child’s baptism for two weeks after my wedding, and she has invited me to attend the ceremony (not as a godparent).

I’d like to see her and be there on this important day, but I am also sad that my best friend won’t be there for me on my wedding day.

I’m also hesitant to commit to non-honeymoon travel (several hours by plane) so soon after my wedding. Is this selfish of me? Is there a way I can still show my support for her new family without attending?

— Bewildered

Bride

DEAR BEWILDERED >> I’d like to acknowledge and celebrate your optimism. We are still in the midst of the pandemic, and you are immersed in your wedding planning, assuming that the wedding will happen, more or less as planned, and that family and friends will travel to be with you on your special day.

For me, this is a moving reminder that, as people, we will always want what we want, and will work very hard to get it. I hope that we will all be able to spend time together very soon.

Your friend has given you plenty of advance notice, stepping out of her matron-of-honor role for a very good reason. The only thing harder than flying for several hours with an infant, would be to do so while perhaps wearing a mask and trying to maintain distance from others.

You two are very close friends. This means that you will naturally include and involve one another in these important lifetime events. Doing so is how you acknowledge and celebrate your friendship.

These invitations do not shackle you to attendance, however. I assume your friend doesn’t expect you to attend her child’s baptism; she is inviting you because she cannot imagine not inviting you.

That’s the way you feel about her, too, and these mutual invitations are an expression of your closeness. That’s something to celebrate.

DEAR AMY >> “Concerned” claimed to be worried about her sister’s struggle with obesity. Thank you for calling out her judgmental attitude.

I think it is also important that people realize that not all obesity is caused by overeating!

I am currently being treated for a metabolic disorder which has resulted in obesity. I do not overeat, and I am quite fit.