Abusive ex-husband wants to share cabin
DEAR AMY >> I was married to “Bart” for several years. We divorced some time ago.
Last year we got back together but did not remarry.
As it had always been our dream to buy a cabin in the woods, last year we found a property to purchase.
We split the cost equally.
A month ago, he beat me up, threatened to kill me, and kicked me out with no money or job.
Fortunately, I had kept my apartment. He has an RV on the property where the cabin is located.
Now he is telling me it’s all in the past. He wants me to come back, forgive and forget. Nope.
I want to sell the property, and he is refusing. He says he will never leave, that it’s half mine and I can come back anytime, and when he dies, he will leave his half to his three sons and I will have to deal with them then.
What must I do?
I want to sell and be done with this horrible nightmare.
—R
DEAR R >> You should call the police, and a lawyer. Consider a restraining order and filing charges. Cut off all personal contact with this man.
You don’t note whether your investment in this property involved you actually co-owning it with your name on the deed, or whether it was a more casual arrangement with you contributing half of the cost of the property.
You should gather any documentation regarding money you spent on this cabin and — working with a lawyer — see if there is a way for you to recover any or all of it.
DEAR AMY >> Like others, I am disturbed by your knee-jerk response to “Totally Confused Mom,” whose adult daughters claimed to have been traumatized in their youth.
It’s not always the parents’ fault!
— Upset
DEAR UPSET >> Many people have responded to this topic, most raising the same point. It can’t always be the parents’ fault.
I’m wondering if perhaps there is also a change in parents’ expectations of how close their children should remain to them in adulthood.
Previous generations got by with occasional phone calls or letters. Young adults were expected to figure out their own problems. It’s possible that some young adults are trying to separate from their folks.