Teen struggles with besting her ‘bestie’

DEAR AMY >> My best friend, “Maria,” and I are both 14 years old.

Recently, Maria revealed to me that a tendency of mine annoys her.

She and I have very similar interests, and so we try out for similar things in school.

Maria has been practicing the whole year to try out for the hockey team.

I also plan on trying out for the team, with no experience, really just because it looks fun.

Every time the subject of tryouts came up, Maria would give other friends a look, and then look back at me. This obviously bothers her.

After a couple of weeks dealing with this, I asked her about it, and she explained that she found it annoying that everything she does, I do, and I usually come out on top.

She mentioned volleyball tryouts, where I made the team, and she didn’t. Then she moved on to the subject of boys, where one guy she liked started talking to me and never talked to her again. (Also, student elections, which we both plan on running for next year.)

She further explained that although none of that is technically my fault in any way, it annoys her when I talk about them.

Now I don’t know what I can talk about with her.

Discontinuing the friendship is not an option, so how should I go about this?

— Lonely at the Top

DEAR LONELY >> It is challenging to be bested by your bestie, and surely you can see why “Maria” finds your excellence annoying.

Does this mean that you need to stop excelling, or to alter your own plans? NO!

Girls sometimes have a way of diminishing or apologizing for their own strengths and successes in order to protect the egos of their friends. I hope you won’t do that.

On the other hand, if you are being obnoxious about your supremacy, then find another way to express your enthusiasm, while understanding that some things that come easily to you don’t come easily to others.

Maria was honest with you, and you seem to have responded defensively:

“If I can’t talk about competing with you, then what are we going to talk about?” That’s a cop out, and I bet you’re more creative than that.

You can be supportive in the name of friendship, while still trying your hardest to win. Cheer for her to do her best, just as you will do your best.

And yes, it can definitely be lonely at the top, but frankly, if you learn and accept this at age 14, you’ll be a winner in that regard, as well.