Seder guests no-show at time of crisis

Dear Abby: For the last 18 years, I have hosted the Passover Seder in my home. The same people come year after year. My three daughters come and always bring along their friends. It’s a lot of work, but I always considered it our special night and was happy to host everyone.

This year, after spending a week in the hospital following a heart problem, I had a bit of a revelation. I realized that not one of these people who, for years, have sat at my table (some live just down the street) picked up the phone to ask how I am or offer help. I also realized that once they left my house after the Seder, I never heard from any of them.

I’m conflicted about how to act in the future. I know that getting together is important to my daughters. I know that not having a lovely Seder will make me sad. But I also feel that the way I was treated is not right. Advice? — Observant in Maine

Dear Observant:

He said: “You must distinguish between your enjoyment of the Seder and how you have been treated. If you are going to do this, do it for yourself. It doesn’t help to hold a grudge. Rather than nurse a grudge, which isn’t healthy for you, speak up about your disappointment when you invite them and give them a chance to respond.”

Readers, what is your opinion about this?

Dear Abby: I am a 69-year-old father of a wonderful 26-year-old daughter, “Robin.” She is my ex’s and my only child. She lives in Texas. Her mother and I still live in Oregon. I visit Robin during the winter (rent my own place) and enjoy the time we spend together.

I have debated whether to establish permanent residency in Texas. I would move there because she lives there, not because I am crazy about Texas. Is it wise for parents to move based on where a child lives? — Contemplating It

Dear Contemplating: Because you don’t particularly like Texas,

I am lukewarm about the idea of you relocating. Do not do it without having more than one frank conversation with your daughter about it and how it will affect her life.

Do you plan to have other social contacts besides her? Have you thought about how you will develop a social life there?

If your daughter will be your only source of companionship, entertainment, etc., it would not be fair to her. Keep in mind, as well, that 26-year-old Robin may relocate if other opportunities present themselves.