Widower might not be on the market

Dear Abby: A friend’s wife died six months ago after a 10-year battle with cancer. He was her faithful caretaker, as she was mostly homebound and bedridden. He told me previously that he has had a female friend for the last four years. He didn’t say, but I think they have been intimate. Her office and his workplace regularly interact, and he knows her family and her kids.

He likes me, and I like him. During this initial grief period — perhaps even for a year — I wish only to be friends, and I have told him we are not going to be intimate anytime soon. As his grief lessens, it is possible that he and I may eventually date. But I don’t feel good about his female friend, and I wouldn’t want her in our space at all, not even as a casual friend. If they have been lovers, I would want him to cut all ties with her.

Abby, how likely is a widower to carry forward the (likely) mistress he had during the wife’s protracted illness? — Waiting in the Wings

Dear Waiting: Very likely! I wish you good hunting, but you may be four years too late to bag this buck.

Dear Abby: My 28-yearold daughter is having our first grandchild. My daughter and I have a good relationship, but she doesn’t want me to be around when she goes into labor.

I have waited a long time to be a grandmother. I feel she should be happy to have me around. I’m deeply hurt. What do you think? — Saddened in Oregon

Dear Saddened: This isn’t about you, and I urge you not to personalize this as you are doing. Childbirth may, indeed, be a “beautiful moment,” but it is also a challenge. This challenge is one your daughter may prefer to face with her husband at her side — if even he is allowed to be there because of the pandemic.

Dear Abby: I have stayed in contact with my college friends, but sad to say, many of my fellow students are now gone for good. I went to a reunion and met classmates I was close to back in the 1960s. How circumstances and personalities have changed.

Do you believe that once a person makes a move, either out of school or a job, that it’s all over? You can’t go back and relive old times, and if you return, it isn’t the same as if you never left? — Sentimental in San Francisco

Dear Sentimental: Time marches on, and people often grow and change as they mature. Some people maintain childhood and college friendships into their senior years. But geographical distance can cause those ties to loosen.