Siblings differ on father’s final wishes

Dear Abby: My mother died two years ago. Both of my parents traveled extensively before their declining health prevented it. They purchased a prepaid cremation package that included shipping the cremains back to their home.

My mother was cremated, but we had to wait more than six weeks for her cremains so we could have a funeral. Waiting for the funeral devastated my dad.

While he was able to communicate and make decisions, he stated that he did not want to be cremated. So I took Dad to a funeral home and selected a funeral package that included a traditional burial and called to cancel the cremation package. My sibling, who is the power of attorney, talked him out of it and reactivated the package.

Now my father has been diagnosed with severe dementia and cancer. We don’t know how long he has, but I’m concerned that his final wishes won’t be followed. How can I get through to my sibling that this was wrong?

— Not What He Wanted

Dear Not: Your father appointed your sibling to be his power of attorney for a reason. I think it would be in your interest to calmly discuss this with your sibling and find out why your father changed his mind after telling you he preferred to be buried.

Dear Abby: My husband and I took in our almost20-year-old step-grandson, “Philip.” He has been with us almost a year. He was really appreciative when he moved in and when my husband helped him get a car.

Philip has said that my husband’s political views scare him, and I can understand that. My husband mentioned that when Philip came in this morning, he ignored him. My husband asked me if he had done something wrong, so I explained the political thing.

I can understand the difference in political views. What I can’t understand and don’t know how to handle is the sudden show of disrespect. — Keeping the Peace in Arizona

Dear Keeping: Allowing yourself to be the go-between hasn’t worked, so step out of the middle. Tell your husband the next time your step-grandson is rude that he should take it up with the young man.

Philip has enjoyed your hospitality for nearly a year, and what he’s doing is not only rude but ungrateful. He needs to realize that your husband’s political views are as valid as his are. Philip should find a way to deal with it or move.