Far-away pal makes no effort to connect

Dear Abby: I have a person in my life I considered to be my best friend. Before he moved out of state, we agreed we would contact each other every two weeks to stay in touch, and for a short while we did. However, I began to realize as time passed that I was the only one making calls.

My wife and I planned a special vacation to visit this friend. While there, my wife shared with him that after losing both my parents within a very short time, I’m not the same. She told him I had been struggling with depression and my personality had been affected. He promised he would call more often to check on me, but he never did.

In the few times that I’ve spoken with him since our vacation — again, with me doing the calling — he has never asked me how I’m doing. My wife calls him a fair-weather friend and I should just put him out of my life. I loved my friend more than a brother. What do you think I should do? — Friend for Life in Texas

Dear Friend: Your wife may have a point in her estimation of this friend. He certainly hasn’t proven himself to be emotionally supportive or willing to do any of the heavy lifting in your relationship since he moved away.

Could he have always been this way, and the distance has just made it obvious? If that’s the case, continue to accept him for who he is and appreciate what little he is capable of giving when you talk. However, if his emotional distancing is new behavior, then for your own sake, develop a better support system to help you.

Dear Abby: I frequently get together to play cards with a small group of women from my gated community. The newest member, however, never stops talking and becomes surly if she doesn’t win. We all find her annoying and try to avoid playing at her table. When we gently told her the nonstop chatter and constant complaints are distracting, she told us she has no intention of changing.

Since we don’t want to give up the games or play behind her back, we have to associate with her. Advice? — Annoyed in Florida

Dear Annoyed: This poor sport has given you your marching orders. Do nothing behind her back. Tell her once more — directly — that her constant talking during the games is distracting and that if she persists she will no longer be welcome to join you for cards.