Woman tired of question about late mom

Dear Abby: Last year my mother passed away after a 15-year battle with lung cancer. When I tell people she died, I am not bothered if they ask what she died from. However, more often than not, when they learn she died of lung cancer, they proceed to ask me if she smoked. Why would they ask this? Because she got what she deserved if she did?

I explain that my mother had a rare, slow-growing type of cancer that afflicts nonsmokers. Am I overreacting to this insensitive question, or is there something I’m missing? — Motherless Daughter

Dear Motherless: People ask this question for a variety of reasons. Curiosity is one of them. However, I think there’s also an element of fear involved — was this the death of an innocent, or did the person do something to bring it on? Because lung cancer is linked so strongly to smoking and secondhand smoke, people often forget that nonsmokers can get it.

While I understand why you would be especially sensitive to the question, I think you should answer it honestly. If you do, you might educate the asker.

Dear Abby: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He works for a company that takes him all over the country. He is 62, and I’m 55. He has looked for a job in my hometown, but never gets an interview, probably because of his age. I have a stable job with retirement benefits that I cannot leave.

I have broken up with him several times, but we always get back together. He is kind and treats me well. I have often asked him what the future holds for us, and he can never give me an answer.

Because he doesn’t have retirement benefits, he will have to work until he can get on Medicare. I can’t wait three more years. I worry about being alone but, in reality, I am already alone. — Anxious in Arizona

Dear Anxious: Because he can never give you a straight answer about your future together, you are right — you are alone. You didn’t mention whether you love each other or if you are seeing other people, but I’m advising you to leave your options open.

Dear Readers: I wish a very Happy Mother’s Day to mothers everywhere — birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. — Love, Abby