Girlfriend’s big dog roams unencumbered

DEAR ABBY: A month ago, I reconnected with a woman, “Fran,” I have known since seventh grade. We are both divorced with grown children and live 90 minutes apart. We have enjoyed hour upon hour of telephone conversations and have spent two weekends together. We have been very emotionally intimate, but not sexually, by choice.

My problem is, Fran has a large, high-energy dog that has free roam of her home (and her bed). “Goliath” travels with her virtually everywhere she goes.

Goliath is good-natured and extremely fond of me, but I don’t have pets, nor do I care to have her dog jump onto the furniture and sleep with us in my bed. She thinks it’s cute, but Goliath sheds black hair all over the place, including in my bed.

I care deeply for Fran and will likely be in an exclusive, meaningful relationship with her for a long time. But I don’t want her dog to be a reason for anger and frustration. How do I politely “enforce” any restrictions on her beloved pet without possibly creating friction? — Vacuuming Again

DEAR VACUUMING: The way to “politely enforce” restrictions in your home is to have the conversation you were afraid to have with Fran the first time. Tell her that while you adore her, you are not as much of a dog person as she is, and you are not comfortable having Goliath share a bed with the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for three years. In that time, he has refused to step up. He shows up late for work 90 percent of the time, and sometimes doesn’t show up at all. He has been fired because of his behavior. He does what he wants with no regard for others, although he says he feels bad about hurting people when he does.

I do a lot for him, and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate anything or even acknowledge it. He recognizes that he needs to step up, but refuses to put in the effort. Am I wrong for feeling like I should return the favor and stop putting in effort? — Fatigued in Utah

DEAR FATIGUED: You are wrong for not telling your husband of three years that you are tired of him not pulling his weight and of his self-centeredness and lack of appreciation for you. Express those feelings. If he doesn’t start turning over a new leaf, start “reconsidering” your marriage, unless you want this to be your future.