Accept annoying eaters or change menu
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend adheres strictly to your rule that both cornon-the-cob and asparagus may be eaten with the fingers. Unfortunately, the consumption of asparagus by this individual resembles nothing so much as a log being fed into a sawmill, and corn-on-the-cob an old-fashioned speed typist (with a manual typewriter) coming at full speed to the end of the row and zinging back to its opposite end.
How am I to reconcile these good manners with these unattractive sights presented at my dinner table?
GENTLE READER: By serving something less challenging.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past two years, I have received invitations to several baby showers. In most cases I knew the expectant mother.
For two others, however, I had no idea who the young lady was. The name was unfamiliar, as was the name of the hostess. No information was given that would help me determine the identity of the soon-tobe parents.
In one case, a relative called a few days before the RSVP date and asked if I was going. When I said I wasn’t sure who the young lady was, she told me it was the girlfriend of one of my nephews. I had never met her, nor had I been told he was dating anyone.
For the second one, I was baffled. Finally, I called to RSVP and expressed my regrets. The day after the shower, I saw pictures on social media. The young lady is the girlfriend of a cousin’s son.
I discussed this with several friends who have faced similar difficulties. Is there a polite way to ask, “Who is this person and why am I invited?”
GENTLE READER: The problem is easier if the guest of honor’s last name has been omitted, as it often now is. You may then call the host and profess confusion about the identity of the mother-to-be: “I’m so sorry, it’s just that I know several Persephones, and I didn’t know which one you were friends with.”
The same technique can be used even if the mother-to-be’s full name was supplied — providing you are willing to look ditzy: “Silly me. How could I have missed that? There she is right on the invitation.”
Miss Manners observes that the new mothers in question themselves sound a bit ditzy, not only for having friends who send incomprehensible invitations, but also for neglecting to join formally the families they are about to grace with descendants, if only because wedding invitations do list who goes with whom. Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail.com.