Friend has a calling pattern: Accept it

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend and I usually talk three to four times a week or more, but she only ever calls me or answers the phone if she’s driving from work, driving on errands — DRIVING anywhere, frankly — or if she is walking her dog.

She never picks up the phone otherwise, especially after 6 p.m., unless she is outside driving somewhere. I text her that I called and it says that she read it, but she won’t call back.

I know everyone is busy, I know people have things to do, but I know (for sure) that all she does at home after 6 p.m. is watch TV and relax.

I don’t have a specific time limit when she calls me. If I’m at home, it doesn’t matter if it’s 11 p.m., I’ll pick up. It’s normal for people to talk if they are relaxing at home.

I feel stupid even feeling this way, but I just feel like it always has to be her way. I’m not sure if I should talk to her about it. Should I confront her about it?

GENTLE READER: With what, exactly, do you want to confront her? Confirmation that she does not find you relaxing?

Miss Manners feels certain that such a conversation would be far more discomforting than simply accepting the fact that your friend prefers certain times of day to talk on the telephone. If you object to her doing so while distracted with something else, then do not answer. Or ask if she can call you back at a better time. Or make arrangements to see her in person. Just probably not after 6 p.m.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I saved for a while to purchase what I thought was the perfect housewarming gift for my sister-in-law. She had mentioned very, very often before moving that she desperately needed water glasses.

My gift was a set of 12 tall water glasses. As soon as she received them, she called me and left a voicemail saying “Thanks, they’re beautiful, but I have no use for them.” She already had bought some.

She suggested they be returned, by me, for store credit, or perhaps I should just keep them. I suggested that she give them to my daughter, which she did. I was very hurt by her terse rejection of my gift … Am I being over-sensitive?

GENTLE READER: She probably thought she was doing you some kind of favor by letting you know that your efforts to please her had failed.

All that she had to do was to thank you and then return the glasses herself, or pass them on — while making sure that you did not catch her doing so.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.