Gracefully joining a conversation

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette to join a conversation in progress?

For example, at a social gathering, a couple of people are already having a conversation. Is it OK to say “hello,” or do I wait for them to acknowledge me?

When someone approaches my group conversation, I always acknowledge the person right away and share the topic we are discussing. Most of the time, I approach a group and say “hello,” but is this interrupting? A few times, I have walked up to a conversation and was never acknowledged. I don’t want to be rude, but I love to talk too!

GENTLE READER: Inserting oneself into a conversation in progress, like cutting in for a dance, does have its own etiquette. The newcomer must wait for a lull, acting in the interim as if what is being said is interesting and intelligible.

The established group is required to assume that the newcomer is entitled to a brief, explanatory aside. At the next natural break, introductions can be made all around. While a group holding a conversation in a social gathering should welcome newcomers, Miss Manners warns that such will not always be the case. It is therefore best to actually listen to what is being said, in case it is time to beat a hasty retreat.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

Is dancing to or parodying the national anthem disrespectful?

GENTLE READER: Yes. But isn’t that why you thought of it?

Miss Manners cannot often count on the public to enforce proper behavior, except when it concerns slights to themselves. And perhaps that is just as well. But this would certainly bring it on, and it is not likely to be gentle.

She would advise you to go no further with this idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother invited her family on a cruise, where we dined nightly in the main cabin. My 54-year-old sister’s manners were a nightmare. My mother was visibly embarrassed in front of her new husband.

I suggested to my sister to follow the cues from our mother. She said I was being judgmental. How do you help someone understand that manners matter?

GENTLE READER: Without justifying your sister’s behavior, Miss Manners notes that 54 years is a long time to wait before attempting to correct a problem. At least your sister cannot accuse you of rushing to judgment.

Your mother will need to talk to her, admitting that she bears some responsibility for not speaking sooner.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.