Respond to messages in original medium

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the advent of so many ways to communicate, I am sometimes at a loss to know how to avoid misunderstandings attributable to using the wrong medium.

Some of my friends and acquaintances prefer telephones, while others prefer text messages. Some prefer landlines to mobile phones, etc.

Is there a rule that one should reply to a message in the same medium in which it was proffered?

GENTLE READER: It is getting so that one has to keep dossiers on one’s friends: what do they refuse to eat, what forms of address do they find insulting, and now, what forms of communication do they refuse touse.

So yes, it would help to notice the means in which messages are sent, and to respond in kind. Miss Manners realizes that deprives the flexible person of choice. But those who will not speak by telephone and those who do not communicate by keyboard are not going to have a future together, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

Is it appropriate to bring my girlfriend to a first-time family reunion?

GENTLE READER: Only if you will find it appropriate for every member of your family to ask her when you are getting married.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Mussels are inexpensive and fun to cook with, plus they show up on the menu of several local restaurants.

But how does one eat mussels in the shell — in, say, a soup or sauce-laden dish — without making a mess?

GENTLE READER: Mussels are considerate little creatures, in that they provide you with a tool to enjoy them.

Miss Manners has never seen one hand over a seafood fork, which is what you would use to pry them from their shells. But they provide the spoon-shaped shell with which you can properly enjoy the sauce.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My granddaughter invited two cousins and their families to her wedding. Both of their responses were to return the RSVP with the “Regret” portion ticked. There was no other communication to explain why they could not attend. My granddaughter is an only child, and these cousins are two of her closest relatives.

Am I correct in assuming that they owed her some reason for not being at her wedding? As recipients of the invitation, should they send a wedding present?

GENTLE READER: No, they do not owe a reason, and they do not owe a present. What they owe is an expression of regret at not being able to attend, along with their good wishes.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.