Make the present, but skip the shower

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I have invested in a highend embroidery/quilting machine which, over the years, I have used to make many gifts. I was so looking forward to making a personalized gift for the bridal shower of a good friend and neighbor’s daughter.

When I received the shower invitation, I was disappointed to read that the party will be a “gift card shower.” Attendees are requested to get gift cards from the couple’s favorite stores (several were listed) or, if a gift is given, it should be mailed directly to the couple’s home (about 2,000 miles away).

I feel somewhat cheated. After spending time, money and effort on a more thoughtful gift, I like to see the recipient’s reaction. I should note that this shower is going to be at an exclusive (read: expensive) location.

I could just get the gift card and be done with it, or make the personalized gift and mail it. Or I could make the personalized gift, bring it to the shower to be opened there, then let them figure out how to get it home.

None of these options are very satisfying. Would you have any input to this situation?

GENTLE READER: Save your present for the wedding and skip the shower.

Unless you are wildly eager to go — or know that you won’t be invited to the main event — it seems likely that no matter what you do, the reaction you receive will not be the one you seek. Yes, showers generally include the opening of silly, nominal gifts, but since your present is neither, you will have to give up the notion of witnessing the couple open it in person.

See if you can make arrangements to deliver the personalized craft to the bride in person as a wedding present. And then decide if the shower is still worth attending.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate action when one receives a text message meant to go to someone else? I’ve always deleted them, but I’ve been told I should be replying with a “wrong number” message.

I must admit that part of the reason I delete them is that I don’t text often enough to warrant an unlimited-text plan, and would prefer not to use my limited messages for “No, you’ve got the wrong number.” If replying is the correct action, is a single reply sufficient?

GENTLE READER: It is kind to let the stranger know the message was not received by the correct person. But doing it more than once — particularly at one’s own expense — is not necessary.

Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.