Wife needs to exit fraudulent marriage
DEAR ABBY: I dated the perfect man for two years. When he asked me to marry him, I had to say yes. He was kind, gentle, attentive, easygoing, full of dreams, great sense of humor, an excellent provider and sexually the best.
Three months after our perfect wedding, it all began to unravel. I learned he is bipolar with manic episodes. He has been married three times before me and always lost interest in sex. He says he may be attracted to men, then tells me he’s not sure. He also isn’t as good handling his financial affairs as he led me to believe.
How could I not have had a clue? I sold my house to move into the parsonage with him. After repeatedly being lied to, misinformed or left out of the loop, I am couch-surfing, mainly at my ex-husband’s house.
I feel tired and broken — no income, no home, no respect and no hope of him getting it together. All I have figured out is to start over. — Third Time Around
DEAR T.T.A.: You will feel less tired and broken after you have consulted a lawyer to get out of this fraudulent marriage. And you and your lawyer should bring this to the attention of the church council or whoever holds the lease on that parsonage. I am sure they will be very interested in what you have to say.
DEAR ABBY: When I started dating my husband, “Ralph,” 22 years ago, I made it very clear that I would NEVER move to his hometown. Even though it may seem selfish, my wish was to be near my family. Our relationship progressed anyway. We’ve been married for 15 years, live in my hometown and have three little boys.
Ralph wants us to move back home now to be around his parents. I told him my intentions were made crystal clear before we got married. His response was, “So you were worth moving for, but I’m not?”
There are other reasons for my not wanting to move there, but the bottom line is that I wish he had been true to himself before deciding to marry me. I think it’s a bit late to be playing this game. — Staying Put
DEAR STAYING: I think your husband has a valid point. Marriage is supposed to be about compromise, and for the last 15 years he has lived in your community.
From where I sit, I think you owe it to Ralph to give it a try. Perhaps you and your family could rent out the home you’re living in and rent a place in his hometown for a year. That way, if you can’t adjust, you would be able to move back near your own family.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.