Mistress seeks solace after man’s death

DEAR ABBY: I was having an affair with the most wonderful (married) man. I’m sure he and I were the only ones who knew. He passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I still go to the place we met and hung out. In my mind, I see him walking in and speaking his last words to me.

How do I mourn without giving it away? He was cremated, so there’s no grave to visit. I end up in tears when I visit “our” place. — Needs Help in Massachusetts

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Please accept my sympathy for your heartfelt loss. Ordinarily, I’d suggest a grief support group, but I’m afraid you might run into his widow if you live in the same area.

It might help to visit the place you met less often. Surely there are less painful places you can go to reflect on your relationship. You might also consider discussing your feelings with a therapist or a trusted friend, because keeping feelings bottled up is not healthy.

DEAR ABBY: A nice couple we know make their own wine. They give us a couple of bottles a year and ask us to return the empties, which we are happy to do.

We love good wine of all kinds. In years past, we have appreciated their wine gifts, although they have been of marginal quality. I usually use the wine for cooking.

We just opened their last gift, and it is so awful I won’t use it even in cooking. My husband says, “Dump it and return the bottle with a thank-you.” I say, “Return the leftover wine (minus a 1/4 glass), and say how much we appreciate the thought, but that it just wasn’t the flavor we drink.” I just don’t want them to waste their wine on us, as they work hard to make it. — Not a Liar in Colorado

DEAR NOT A LIAR: It might be kinder to return the empty bottle with a note thanking them and asking them to please not send you more because you are trying to cut back on your alcohol . It’s the truth. The alcohol you’re trying to cut back on is theirs.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter “Maria’s” quinceanera is next year. We invited her half-siblings. But her father’s current wife, “Elena,” refuses to allow it because Elena is a Jehovah’s Witness. Maria will be heartbroken. Is there anything I can do to persuade Elena to let them come? — Proud Mama in Kentucky

DEAR PROUD MAMA: If your daughter’s half-siblings are being raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses, it would be against their beliefs to attend. While I don’t think it would be overstepping to talk with your ex and his wife, do not be surprised or take it personally if the answer is still no.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.