Abusive mother has no right to money

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at birth. I was raised by a woman who was emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. I worked hard and now have a loving husband and a beautiful son.

My adoptive mother expects me to hand her financial support every month and pay for her extravagant lifestyle. She did not save for herself, as I was her “investment.” She believes that, if not for her “taking me away from the slums as a child,” I wouldn’t be where I am now.

The financial burden is putting a strain on my marriage and our plans to save for a stable future.

Her words are vile whenever she doesn’t get “her” money, and she couldn’t care less about me or my son. I have no love for her. But I do feel for her in her old age. What should I do? — Strained Relationship in California

DEAR STRAINED RELATIONSHIP: Realize that when good parents adopt a baby, they do it NOT because of what that baby will do for them, but for what they can give that child.

Then tell your abuser she won’t get another penny and cut off communication.

You do not “owe” her anything, so do not allow yourself to be bullied into being her ATM . If you feel the urge to waver, spend the money on a licensed psychotherapist who will help you understand that your adoptive mother does not have the ethical or moral right to any more than you have already given.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 6-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son who have no modesty at all. They sometimes bathe together and will jump in the shower with me or my husband. Because of this, they’ll get into our pool or hot tub naked if there isn’t a swimsuit around. No one can see in, so I have no problem with it.

However, when my in-laws are in town, they turn it into a big deal. Then my husband freaks out, scolds the kids and makes them put their clothes on.

If my husband didn’t want them swimming or running around the house naked, the kids should have been told before their grandparents arrived.

Am I too laid-back, or are my in-laws too uptight? — Unashamed in Florida

DEAR UNASHAMED: The difference in your attitudes regarding nudity may be a result of the generation gap. I do think it’s hypocritical of your husband to reprimand the children for doing something that’s usually acceptable. He should explain to the kids that when “company” comes, they will need to cover up so they don’t make the guests uncomfortable.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.