Expenses piling up for maid of honor
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding. I was recently laid off for four months without receiving unemployment pay. I got a job last month, but the salary is significantly less than what I made previously. I’m single and am having trouble making ends meet while playing catch-up on my bills.
To cut down on costs, I tried borrowing a formal dress for the wedding, because the bride only specified a color, not a particular style. Unfortunately, the shade did not exactly match her daughter’s dress, so I now need to buy one.
Thankfully, she didn’t want a shower as it’s her second wedding, but she has asked for a bachelorette party. I’m the only adult in the wedding, so I’ll be footing the bill for that. I plan to give her cash or a gift card for her gift.
I certainly don’t want to upset her by not giving enough, but what is an appropriate amount to give?
GENTLE READER: Being the maid of honor means that you are the bride’s best friend. Would she really want to cause you hardship, even over such trivial matters as the shade of your and her daughter’s dress?
Miss Manners can only hope that this lady is unaware of your difficulties, perhaps supposing that your new job solved them. The graceful way to tell her would be to confide that you are no longer able to assume the costs that you would have liked to, and to offer to step down as her maid of honor.
If she has a sense of friendship and honor, she will insist that that is not why she chose you, that she will not hear of your stepping back, that the dress is fine, and that she will arrange to cut back on activities.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I tasted a delicious dessert while traveling, and when I returned home, I tried replicating it. I finally perfected it and now like to make it for special occasions, prepare it for fundraisers, and give it as a gift to friends and family at Christmas.
My problem is that other women have asked for the recipe. I don’t want everyone to have it. If I give it to an insistent acquaintance, she is friends with my friends and will no doubt serve it to them.
How do I politely decline to share my secret recipe? GENTLE READER: “Sorry,” Miss Manners suggests saying, “but that’s my secret lure. I’d hate to have you able to make it for yourself, because then you’d not be as eager to come to see me.”
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.