Man watches porn after vowing to stop
DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me why men watch porn? My husband watches porn at all hours of the night. When I found out six months ago, he promised he would stop, but he still goes online and watches it when I’m asleep.
Our sex life has diminished to almost nothing. I considered blocking the site on his computer, but is that a good idea? How can I compete with this? — Feeling Disrespected
DEAR FEELING: Men are turned on by the visual. You have a right to a sex life, but meddling with your husband’s computer won’t fix your problem. Because your marital needs are not being met, frame your conversation with him that way. He may be addicted to online porn and unable to stop without a professional intervention.
P.S. Please stop comparing yourself with what your husband is viewing, because what he is seeing isn’t real. It’s about as authentic as “Guardians of the Galaxy.”
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years and have two young sons. She likes to independently make a lot of decisions that affect us both. This has led to arguments about what should be decided on together.
We have had years of counseling. I feel she ignores my concerns if I don’t agree with her position. She will commit to a compromise, then do what she wants anyway.
Recently, she brought up having permanent eyebrow makeup done on an international trip she was taking without me. I asked her to wait until she returned. She did it anyway, and I think it looks awful.
I’m left feeling my trust in her has been further damaged and I have a reminder of it staring me in the face. How can I trust her in the future? — Disgusted in Arizona
DEAR DISGUSTED: If “years of counseling” haven’t worked, I think it’s fair to conclude that you and your wife have a troubled marriage. While some might say your wife’s face is her business, if a daily reminder of her broken promise is a deal-breaker, it may be time to consider whether it would be in everyone’s best interests to go your separate ways. In marriage there is supposed to be compromise. If you are staying because of your sons, take into consideration that because your relationship with your wife is dysfunctional, the tension your boys are exposed to is not healthy.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown tonight, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. As we begin this time of introspection, I would like to wish you all “L’shana tova tikatevu” — may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.