Just select the best tool to get job done
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I am wanting to purchase new flatware. The dinner knives and butter knives both come in serrated and non-serrated options. Is there one option that is more appropriate than the other, and why?
GENTLE READER: Serrated butter knives? How tough is your butter?
Miss Manners has to keep reminding people that flatware exists to provide tools for eating without excessive difficulty and mess. A plain sharp blade is adequate for serving most food, but if you are serving more challenging dishes, you might want those steel teeth.
DEAR MISS MANNERS:
I host quite a lot of people in my house, a large number of whom somehow feel obliged to give me “hostess gifts.” The majority of these are things I do not want and would never use, but I have been accepting all of them with graciousness for fear of hurting their feelings.
I feel obligated to keep these things I do not want — house plants, an entire set of china, tablecloths, etc. — for fear of hurting their feelings again if they repeatedly show up and do not see their objects in the house.
Is there some sign I can put up at the door or on a dish towel, some way of politely letting visitors know I don’t want things, just the joy of their company?
GENTLE READER: This is a minor instance of a pervasive problem: the unappreciated present. The simple answer is that those should be accepted graciously with thanks, but that they then become the property of the recipients to dispose of as they wish.
It is unseemly to search for, let alone ask the fate of, such presents. You should silently let them assume that these things are in your cupboard, beach house, on loan, or otherwise merely absent from view.
But the search for a larger solution to the “wrong present problem” has led to various customs that Miss Manners finds unpalatable. Worst of all is announcing dissatisfaction to the donor, and even asking that person to exchange the offering.
The two most popular responses are to have the recipient, rather than the donor, choose the presents — the gift registry — or to skip presents in favor of giving money, either directly or laundered in the form of gift certificates.
In any case, no, you can’t hang up a sign on a dish towel. But you might want to make it known how much you love flowers.
Submit your etiquette questions to Miss Manners at dearmissmanners@gmail. com.